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Jul. 4th, 2007
I'm pretty sure that two nights ago I made love with LM.
The experience, which was a combination of mental images and energy stimulation/exchange, was unprecedented for me. When I told my teacher about it, however, she said that my description was "classic".
It feels too intimate to describe here in any real detail. . . but I wanted to note that it happened.
The experience, which was a combination of mental images and energy stimulation/exchange, was unprecedented for me. When I told my teacher about it, however, she said that my description was "classic".
It feels too intimate to describe here in any real detail. . . but I wanted to note that it happened.
Although I've been willing to entertain the possibility of the existence of any number of Otherworldly beings, I've never been able to take fairies seriouisly. However, some of my teacher's allies are fairies, and at least one of them has taken it upon himself to get involved in some of my training, so I've reconsidered my previous position and opened my mind to getting acquainted.
When I asked my teacher about the ally who apparently had been involved in a particularly dramatic inner journey, she referred me to a specific card in Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle. Never being one to resist an excuse to buy a new book or oracle deck, I immediately ordered the deck from Amazon.
"In for a penny, in for a pound," as she said! Suddenly I'm having all kinds of little experiences that add up to a sense that there are more folks than my child and I living in this apartment -- and that I definitely have some new allies. (More posts about that to come.)
On Sunday, I was hurrying to go upstairs, and I stepped too quickly, too hard on the moving blanket laid over the tiles of my entryway. I felt myself slipping -- and then time slowed. I felt myself falling very, very slowly; felt myself hit the ground with enough time and sense to roll back -- and still feel that I didn't hit very hard at all. Eventually I found myself lying on my back, feeling bewildered but unhurt, looking up at the alarmed movers standing in the doorway. Later my teacher's ally confirmed that yes, Someone else had slowed my fall and kept me from getting hurt.
Does all this seem unreal? It does to me. Except these things keep happening lately.
I keep writing these disclaimers. . . and yet I'm embracing all this joyfully. After a lifetime of believing There must be more, I'm finally engaging the More.
When I asked my teacher about the ally who apparently had been involved in a particularly dramatic inner journey, she referred me to a specific card in Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle. Never being one to resist an excuse to buy a new book or oracle deck, I immediately ordered the deck from Amazon.
"In for a penny, in for a pound," as she said! Suddenly I'm having all kinds of little experiences that add up to a sense that there are more folks than my child and I living in this apartment -- and that I definitely have some new allies. (More posts about that to come.)
On Sunday, I was hurrying to go upstairs, and I stepped too quickly, too hard on the moving blanket laid over the tiles of my entryway. I felt myself slipping -- and then time slowed. I felt myself falling very, very slowly; felt myself hit the ground with enough time and sense to roll back -- and still feel that I didn't hit very hard at all. Eventually I found myself lying on my back, feeling bewildered but unhurt, looking up at the alarmed movers standing in the doorway. Later my teacher's ally confirmed that yes, Someone else had slowed my fall and kept me from getting hurt.
Does all this seem unreal? It does to me. Except these things keep happening lately.
I keep writing these disclaimers. . . and yet I'm embracing all this joyfully. After a lifetime of believing There must be more, I'm finally engaging the More.
Solus and Charlie
Jul. 4th, 2007 09:53 pmWhen I started browsing The Faeries Oracle, I was surprised to find that not all the faeries represented were pixie-like beings. The first set, called The Singers, are more like archangels -- very, very powerful, transcendent beings. The person on card 13 is Solus, the bridge between the transcendent world and the material worlds. My teacher suggested that I try to contact both the Singer called The Guardian at the Gate and Solus, as I'm doing some work with gates right now.
As I read the description of Solus, I was amazed by how perfectly his energy and purpose match those of Charlie, my first inner teacher and mentor, who I thought for many years was simply an especially vivid product of my vivid imagination.
These words in particular resonated with me:
Solus encourages us to stand on our own feet, to recognize and utilize our own wisdom, to depend on our own strength, and to acknowledge and work with our own good qualities, using them as stepping-stones to improve the less good. Yet, at the same time, Solus recognizes that we cannot do everything alone, and helps us to make the connections and to have the insights that will help us to accept wisdom, energy, and assistance from other realms. . .
That's Charlie all over.
After reading that, I closed my eyes and had the first strong encounter I've had with Charlie in more than two years. He was smiling, pleased that I had finally found my way to this place by choosing and acting to move between worlds. He expressed regret that the shape of the story I wrote from our early encounters had left me expecting to have an outer force move me to new worlds instead of claiming that power for myself. We had a chuckle over my being a "reverse Dorothy" -- always having the power to leave home and move to other worlds, but lacking the heart faith to be able to use it.
And then he told me that work with me is finished. I've come to the place where I can move between worlds, to link more than one with my understanding, and form relationships with friends and allies. His job is done, and he has other students to work with.
Of course I felt resistance, and asked him to stay. He gently refused, and told me he has other students to guide. I've learned the lessons he came to teach me (even if I have not yet perfected them), and now I need to go on to new teachers.
However he did agree that we could have friendly visits in the future.
As I read the description of Solus, I was amazed by how perfectly his energy and purpose match those of Charlie, my first inner teacher and mentor, who I thought for many years was simply an especially vivid product of my vivid imagination.
These words in particular resonated with me:
Solus encourages us to stand on our own feet, to recognize and utilize our own wisdom, to depend on our own strength, and to acknowledge and work with our own good qualities, using them as stepping-stones to improve the less good. Yet, at the same time, Solus recognizes that we cannot do everything alone, and helps us to make the connections and to have the insights that will help us to accept wisdom, energy, and assistance from other realms. . .
That's Charlie all over.
After reading that, I closed my eyes and had the first strong encounter I've had with Charlie in more than two years. He was smiling, pleased that I had finally found my way to this place by choosing and acting to move between worlds. He expressed regret that the shape of the story I wrote from our early encounters had left me expecting to have an outer force move me to new worlds instead of claiming that power for myself. We had a chuckle over my being a "reverse Dorothy" -- always having the power to leave home and move to other worlds, but lacking the heart faith to be able to use it.
And then he told me that work with me is finished. I've come to the place where I can move between worlds, to link more than one with my understanding, and form relationships with friends and allies. His job is done, and he has other students to work with.
Of course I felt resistance, and asked him to stay. He gently refused, and told me he has other students to guide. I've learned the lessons he came to teach me (even if I have not yet perfected them), and now I need to go on to new teachers.
However he did agree that we could have friendly visits in the future.
The Guardian at the Gate
Jul. 4th, 2007 10:09 pmAfter my encounter with Charlie, I recorded the event in my paper journal then lay back to rest, not planning to do anything more. However I soon found myself in an encounter with The Guardian at the Gate.
He told me that I partake of his energy -- and suddenly I could feel my personal energy resonating with his. That was followed by a sequence of wordless information and images from my Charlie-inspired stories and my intuitions about my vocation, affirming my identity as someone who lives and moves between worlds.
Then I felt him extend his own energy into my third eye. I don't know if he touched the crystal shard or not, but I started seeing a swirl of colored lights. After a while, the lights resolved themselves into a pattern. I'm not going to describe it here, because it is a thing of power. The Guardian told me it is my glyph.
Afterward I had a mild headache -- much less intense than the headaches I've been getting after encounters with other inner world beings. Either I'm getting used to it, or the resonance of our energy made it less difficult for me to process his.
He told me that I partake of his energy -- and suddenly I could feel my personal energy resonating with his. That was followed by a sequence of wordless information and images from my Charlie-inspired stories and my intuitions about my vocation, affirming my identity as someone who lives and moves between worlds.
Then I felt him extend his own energy into my third eye. I don't know if he touched the crystal shard or not, but I started seeing a swirl of colored lights. After a while, the lights resolved themselves into a pattern. I'm not going to describe it here, because it is a thing of power. The Guardian told me it is my glyph.
Afterward I had a mild headache -- much less intense than the headaches I've been getting after encounters with other inner world beings. Either I'm getting used to it, or the resonance of our energy made it less difficult for me to process his.
At some point during my encounter with Charlie there was a near-wordless exchange about what had changed to cause me to move out of my long passivity and actively claim my power as a walker-between-worlds.
I thought of LM, and said, My heart is in the otherworld, and I have to follow it there.
I'm reasonably sure that there's a poem that will flow from those words, once I have the time and peace to sit down and seek it.
Only later did I think of the card a friend drew for me the day of my private memorial for LM, the card which suggested that his death and my observances could be an initiation for me. I never expected it to be this dramatic.
I thought of LM, and said, My heart is in the otherworld, and I have to follow it there.
I'm reasonably sure that there's a poem that will flow from those words, once I have the time and peace to sit down and seek it.
Only later did I think of the card a friend drew for me the day of my private memorial for LM, the card which suggested that his death and my observances could be an initiation for me. I never expected it to be this dramatic.
The New Normal -- And Thanks
Jul. 4th, 2007 10:32 pmWell, I go back to work tomorrow. The office seems utterly unreal right now. In fact, this afternoon I realized that I had almost forgotten that I have to go back!
Not everything has settled yet, but tomorrow marks the beginning of The New Normal.
I can't find words to express what a difference this new place makes for me emotionally. Having the light, the space, the niceness of everything, makes me feel like I'd been living under a lead blanket for the past several years.
Thank you so much for all the comments of support, cheering, and great suggestions about where to buy sheets! I've been too busy and tired to respond to all of them, but having a cheering section has made such a difference these past few days.
I expect that starting tomorrow I'll be back to a more normal LJ pattern: reading through and actually commenting on my friends' entries -- something I really haven't done much of since Lohain's death. But my need to focus on myself has ebbed considerably, and I have energy to spare and share again.
*hugs flist!
Not everything has settled yet, but tomorrow marks the beginning of The New Normal.
I can't find words to express what a difference this new place makes for me emotionally. Having the light, the space, the niceness of everything, makes me feel like I'd been living under a lead blanket for the past several years.
Thank you so much for all the comments of support, cheering, and great suggestions about where to buy sheets! I've been too busy and tired to respond to all of them, but having a cheering section has made such a difference these past few days.
I expect that starting tomorrow I'll be back to a more normal LJ pattern: reading through and actually commenting on my friends' entries -- something I really haven't done much of since Lohain's death. But my need to focus on myself has ebbed considerably, and I have energy to spare and share again.
*hugs flist!