![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Not A Good Morning
Jun. 9th, 2007 11:17 amThe last couple of days were okay. There was too much to do at work, but everyone has been loving and supportive and patient with me. I don't like needing such patience, but since I do need it right now, I deeply appreciate it. Last night ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_storyteller_ and I had been planning a date night, but the airlines buggered my Ex's return flight, meaning that I had kid duty. So instead of the two of us enjoying time alone, we took the daughter to see Ocean's 13 -- which wasn't as good as 11, but better than 12 and fun.
But this morning. . . . This morning has been hard. It was my house that started it: feeling overwhelmed by the clutter again, and then hopeless because my struggle against the forces of household entropy seems to be a losing battle. I broke down and started crying, which immediately tapped into my grief for Lohain. I felt empty, and without joy, and hopeless -- and guilty that I was feeling such things with_storyteller_ right there next to me, giving me his steady support.
He's going out hiking today, and my own plan was to start seriously looking for a furnished apartment or extended stay place where I can live between the time I move out of the house (last week of June) and into my new apartment (date not yet determined). But the websites are all so vague, and few of them quote rates, and I don't know the specific dates of my stay, so I was quickly feeling overwhelmed again.
There's noise upstairs as the new household members continue getting ready to move in today. To give them credit: they've done a lot of wonderful work on the space upstairs: cleaning out all the grime, painting (and doing a nice job), sanding the floor. I'm quite impressed. But it's noisy. And it's going to get worse soon as they start moving in their possessions.
I think I need to take my shower, get dressed, and head out to do something, anything but be here. I will take my journal and my gadget and run away from home for a few hours.
kateri_thinks called while I was typing the last sentence. Talking to her lifted my heart for a while -- but I still need to get out of here.
_storyteller_ and I had been planning a date night, but the airlines buggered my Ex's return flight, meaning that I had kid duty. So instead of the two of us enjoying time alone, we took the daughter to see Ocean's 13 -- which wasn't as good as 11, but better than 12 and fun. But this morning. . . . This morning has been hard. It was my house that started it: feeling overwhelmed by the clutter again, and then hopeless because my struggle against the forces of household entropy seems to be a losing battle. I broke down and started crying, which immediately tapped into my grief for Lohain. I felt empty, and without joy, and hopeless -- and guilty that I was feeling such things with
_storyteller_ right there next to me, giving me his steady support. He's going out hiking today, and my own plan was to start seriously looking for a furnished apartment or extended stay place where I can live between the time I move out of the house (last week of June) and into my new apartment (date not yet determined). But the websites are all so vague, and few of them quote rates, and I don't know the specific dates of my stay, so I was quickly feeling overwhelmed again.
There's noise upstairs as the new household members continue getting ready to move in today. To give them credit: they've done a lot of wonderful work on the space upstairs: cleaning out all the grime, painting (and doing a nice job), sanding the floor. I'm quite impressed. But it's noisy. And it's going to get worse soon as they start moving in their possessions.
I think I need to take my shower, get dressed, and head out to do something, anything but be here. I will take my journal and my gadget and run away from home for a few hours.
kateri_thinks called while I was typing the last sentence. Talking to her lifted my heart for a while -- but I still need to get out of here.
