Morning Reflections

Last night I connected emotionally with a gaming character for the first time in several years. It took several sessions, but I think the whole being-set-on-fire-after-the-Cardinal's-head-exploded incident tipped over my emotional switch. By the end of the scene I was laughing almost hysterically, caught up in the awful absurdity of Jehanne's situation. It was great.

This morning I was awake first, and spent about forty minutes journaling about the experience with game and then close to another hour journaling about other things -- the longest sustained writing I've done in a very long time.

Every so often I would get up and go over to the patio doors of _storyteller_'s apartment and look out into the gray-lit morning. It was very quiet -- and I suddenly realized how many times I'd been in this situation: the first one up, being alone, writing, enjoying the solitude. Whether at camp, on retreats, or even in the dorms, this first-thing-in-the-morning time was when I connected with myself.

It was also a time that reinforced my sense of being different from those around me. Chances are that I had gone to sleep earlier than everyone else, that I had not been as deeply involved in whatever socializing had gone on before. The nurturing and renewal the others found in each other's company at night, I found in the quiet solitude of morning.

It's been a long time since I felt so connected with my own past.

These last few days have been amazing. I don't know if the eclipse had anything to do with it or not. Most people who wrote about it seemed to be battening down the hatches. I experienced a tide of positive change -- or at least energy going in positive directions, waves for me to catch and ride and urge on. _storyteller_ suggested that it's a good time for me because I connect with Void energy, which is how he experiences/interprets an eclipse. It's as good a hypothesis as any, since I don't do astrology.

But I had a great tarot reading on Saturday morning, which I did for a close friend. It should not have worked out as well as it did: we were under a bit of a time constraint, and there were several interruptions, but we both knew I needed to cut the cards, and instead of creating a spread or following one I simply knew what each card related to before I turned it over. And it was perfect. And my friend and I used the same words several times to describe what the cards meant, even when they were not the usual/common meanings.

Now my daughter is off with her father visiting his side of the family. I've gone grocery shopping, bought new pillows and a new medium-sized garbage can for under the sink, and balanced my checkbook. I have time and space and silence to savor before _storyteller_ comes over again this evening.

The bathtub drain is broken again, this time in the closed position, but I'll deal with that, with my brother-in-law's help. No big deal. It's a good day.