Reframing

In my previous entry, I wrote: What I need most to do right now is cultivate my own authority, speak my own truth and write my own words, not listen to or read the words of others.

a_belletrist responded: I liked what you wrote about taking the time to write, speak, and cultivate your own words, truth and authority. How exciting that will be! Energizing and empowering, too.

I replied to this encouragement with: Now I need to combine intention and will with courage and put myself out there. It's an ongoing struggle -- and as I type that, I realize that I need to change my mindset and language. I'm sabotaging myself with my perceptions. It's going to be a marvelous adventure, an exciting time of enjoying myself and sharing my gifts through my newly-found power.

Then there was a recent email exchange with _storyteller_ also around another aspect of this topic:

I was also realizing this morning that I need to work on owning the idea that I am not going into sales, trying to convince people to purchase something so I can benefit. I am making my authentic gifts available to people who need and want them. The money exchange is a way to balance the energy with these people. It's also the best way I have at this time to free myself from mental and spiritual drudgery of my day job and give myself the time and space to be available to the people who can benefit from my service. Clocking in at [my day job] every day serves no one but [that company] and the people to whom I pay mortgage and other bills.

Whatever I do with my time, I need to take in resources that will enable me to materially support myself and my daughter. I can choose what, beyond my material needs, those actions serve.

I have gifts and talents that are meaningful only when shared with others: holy listening, teaching, spiritual counseling. To a certain extent, I can make these available freely -- which I do among my friends and among the people I occasionally find myself drawn into conversations with. But to share my gifts more widely, on a formal basis, I need to ask for something in return. I am not supported by a spiritual community that provides a buffer between me and those who donate/tithe to support those whose work within it. I have to set a price on my gifts, on my service, and ask that those who seek the benefits of my gifts to pay for them.

And I have to remember that my value -- my competitive advantage, to use the language of business plans -- is that I am different from others out there offering similar services. I am special, I have particular value, because people like me, not with my gifts, but with my experiences, my perceptions, my understanding of certain parts of the spiritual map, are rare.

So I need to stop worrying about being found "strange" or "weird" or "different."
Goodness knows I accept these labels without flinching in my daily life.

Then there's the quote that wlotus shared recently from Charles Swindoll:

There is only one you.... Don't you dare change just because you're outnumbered!

And thank you to revpanthera who shared her own gift/reminder of Badger medicine with me recently, which turned out to be ( exactly what I need to keep in mind these days. )

The Yellow Room. Again.

When I went into the yellow room this evening, I tried to use my intution to feel what the space needed and wanted -- but the obvious was so overwhelming I couldn't go any deeper: the clutter (better, but not yet solved), the for-some-reason-unfinished outer wall that needs to be sealed and then have real drywall put over the bubbles and the brown stain of moisture seepage.

So what I focused on instead is what I need, and that got me further. Yesterday I cleaned off the desk. Today I made sure that the area rug I'd put down in the chair space and slightly behind was entirely clear. Then I put up a bulletin board on the blank wall over the desk, where I can post business-related materials, like listings for places with office space or practioner rooms available on a flex-time basis.

The surface of the desk is inset, with a glass surface, so it already is full of inspiration: photos of family and friends, some of my achievements, spiritual images and words. But what's before my eyes will be the nuts-and-bolts.

What the room most needs is a chair for the desk. One that can live there, instead of me dragging my primary desk chair in from the living room. The space needs to be ready for me at any moment.

There needs to be a place made for writing paper and journals, and a pen holder. It needs to be creative/reflective space first. I also have a small file cabinet that matches the desk. The paper and pens can go there. The file drawer will be dedicated to business.

Those are all manageable forward steps.