The Mystery Solved
May. 15th, 2005 08:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosThis is probably the most significant post I have ever made to LiveJournal.
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from my seminary. It was a fairly intense meal, as she shared with me some real pain and grief she had experienced during this past year, and then I tried to explain to her what I meant when I said "shaman."
On my side, the most significant part came at the very end, when I was trying to explain to her what I meant when I said that I could talk with "Otherworldly beings." I needed to convey my belief that I was not talking about an immediate experience with The Divine, and that I wasn't talking about ghosts.
So I told her that I believe that sentient life, beings with awareness, able to engage in relationship, exist in other forms besides what we know in our material, human existence. And that when I was twelve years old, I began to have conversations in my head with a Someone who was not a figment of my imagination, and also not God. This individual never told me what to do. He was there to help me work out challenges, to ask questions that helped me explore the implications and consequences of my thoughts, attitudes, and choices, and to encourage me to make choices for integrity and courage.
And then I told my friend, "He showed me that we all live in boxes." And I traced several boxes on the tabletop with my finger. "And that when these boxes bump up against each other, people get scared, and they get angry, and there are conflicts." As I spoke, my tone intensified, and I ended up with tears in my eyes. "And he tried to teach me to be a person who could get out of my own box, and go to another box and live there for a while - and then another one, and another one. So that when this box and this box bump against each other, there could be a person there, someone who knew what it was like to live inside each box. Someone who was recognized as being 'one of us' in each box, trusted, respected, who could say, 'Here, let me help mediate.' Someone who could translate the languages, who could point out what they had in common and not to fear the differences."
This, of course, was not new information to me, but in those moments, as I tried to communicate it to a friend, who had no background in my Journeys, it took on an intensity that I've never experienced before. YES, it said. This IS what you are meant to do.
But driving home, I started struggling again with the old puzzle: how can this be what I am called to do in my real life? I have done next to nothing to move outside the box of my own place in society, have never felt called into the places and roles which would give me that experience, and in fact have felt great resistance to it. The fact is, I don't know how to move outside my social world. I don't have the experience or the competency to interpret between people of different classes, races, nations, levels of education, or anything else. I've completed competency requirements in four - count them four - different languages, but never gained fluency in any of them and have forgotten them all. I'm not qualified to speak from any box but that of a fairly affluent, white, highly educated, American perspective.
How can my purpose be so gut-wrenchingly real to me on one level, but have absolutely no outer manifestation in my life?
I don't know how much later it was in the day when the Clue-by-Four hit me between the eyes: the Journey between societies was the role of my fantasy self who literally did "move between worlds" in the science fiction saga I wrote about as I tried to imagine myself in the role my guide was calling me to. (And the way the story was framed, I literally was called to accept the challenge of being "A Journeyer" and moving between worlds in order to become an intergalactic mediator.) I was twelve years old when my guide came to me, and that was the only context I had for exploring the concept he was trying to teach me.
But the Journeys I have actually lived are those of moving between the worlds of meaning defined by religion and spirituality. And it is precisely that experience which qualifies me for the vocation I have been deliberately growing toward during this last year or so: that of working with people who, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable with the major religious traditions but who yearn for a deeper intimacy with the Divine, and who seek the companionship of someone who is not limited by one tradition who can help them uncover, define, deepen, and celebrate, their own path of relationship with The Mystery. It's not about being a mediator between groups, but it's one of being qualified to be a companion and guide because I have traveled so widely.
For the first time in my life, it all makes sense. The pieces finally fit together.
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from my seminary. It was a fairly intense meal, as she shared with me some real pain and grief she had experienced during this past year, and then I tried to explain to her what I meant when I said "shaman."
On my side, the most significant part came at the very end, when I was trying to explain to her what I meant when I said that I could talk with "Otherworldly beings." I needed to convey my belief that I was not talking about an immediate experience with The Divine, and that I wasn't talking about ghosts.
So I told her that I believe that sentient life, beings with awareness, able to engage in relationship, exist in other forms besides what we know in our material, human existence. And that when I was twelve years old, I began to have conversations in my head with a Someone who was not a figment of my imagination, and also not God. This individual never told me what to do. He was there to help me work out challenges, to ask questions that helped me explore the implications and consequences of my thoughts, attitudes, and choices, and to encourage me to make choices for integrity and courage.
And then I told my friend, "He showed me that we all live in boxes." And I traced several boxes on the tabletop with my finger. "And that when these boxes bump up against each other, people get scared, and they get angry, and there are conflicts." As I spoke, my tone intensified, and I ended up with tears in my eyes. "And he tried to teach me to be a person who could get out of my own box, and go to another box and live there for a while - and then another one, and another one. So that when this box and this box bump against each other, there could be a person there, someone who knew what it was like to live inside each box. Someone who was recognized as being 'one of us' in each box, trusted, respected, who could say, 'Here, let me help mediate.' Someone who could translate the languages, who could point out what they had in common and not to fear the differences."
This, of course, was not new information to me, but in those moments, as I tried to communicate it to a friend, who had no background in my Journeys, it took on an intensity that I've never experienced before. YES, it said. This IS what you are meant to do.
But driving home, I started struggling again with the old puzzle: how can this be what I am called to do in my real life? I have done next to nothing to move outside the box of my own place in society, have never felt called into the places and roles which would give me that experience, and in fact have felt great resistance to it. The fact is, I don't know how to move outside my social world. I don't have the experience or the competency to interpret between people of different classes, races, nations, levels of education, or anything else. I've completed competency requirements in four - count them four - different languages, but never gained fluency in any of them and have forgotten them all. I'm not qualified to speak from any box but that of a fairly affluent, white, highly educated, American perspective.
How can my purpose be so gut-wrenchingly real to me on one level, but have absolutely no outer manifestation in my life?
I don't know how much later it was in the day when the Clue-by-Four hit me between the eyes: the Journey between societies was the role of my fantasy self who literally did "move between worlds" in the science fiction saga I wrote about as I tried to imagine myself in the role my guide was calling me to. (And the way the story was framed, I literally was called to accept the challenge of being "A Journeyer" and moving between worlds in order to become an intergalactic mediator.) I was twelve years old when my guide came to me, and that was the only context I had for exploring the concept he was trying to teach me.
But the Journeys I have actually lived are those of moving between the worlds of meaning defined by religion and spirituality. And it is precisely that experience which qualifies me for the vocation I have been deliberately growing toward during this last year or so: that of working with people who, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable with the major religious traditions but who yearn for a deeper intimacy with the Divine, and who seek the companionship of someone who is not limited by one tradition who can help them uncover, define, deepen, and celebrate, their own path of relationship with The Mystery. It's not about being a mediator between groups, but it's one of being qualified to be a companion and guide because I have traveled so widely.
For the first time in my life, it all makes sense. The pieces finally fit together.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 04:37 pm (UTC)Wishing you the best,
Love,
quietearthling
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 04:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 05:16 pm (UTC)I can feel how deep this goes all the way over here. I am very happy for you and envy you at the same time. It's been a long time since my pieces fit, but I'm still hoping that one day, they will do so again.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 11:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 06:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:29 pm (UTC)What that's going to look like isn't quite clear yet, but now at least I feel like I have the confidence of my own talents and gifts and vocation, which I haven't had before.
Whatever happens, I'll keep you posted!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:43 pm (UTC)And here's a new icon, totally unrelated to the conversation, because I know you will appreciate it!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 11:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:44 pm (UTC)Oooh! I love a Prime Directive coming into focus!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 07:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 09:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:33 pm (UTC)(The icon attached to this post isn't connected to the conversation, but in my mind you are connected with the Cate Blanchett Elizabeth, and I wanted to share my new icon with you.)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 01:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:35 pm (UTC)It boggles me that this is where it has all led.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 02:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-15 10:56 pm (UTC)And congratulations and bright blessings on your marriage! I was reading fast the other day and didn't stop to comment, but I'm very happy for you, and I'm so pleased that you had such a special day!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 01:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 04:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 04:52 am (UTC)Your good wishes are always welcome.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 04:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 05:14 am (UTC)At the moment, however, world politics doesn't seem to be part of my brief.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-16 09:24 pm (UTC)