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qosA woman in my office is having a baby early next month, and has been catching a lot of teasing about how her life will change, especially where sleep is concerned. She keeps saying "I know!" and I smile quietly and think "My dear, you have no idea" -- because that's the nature of initiatory experiences: you really don't know, can't know, until you've experienced it.
But the primary point of this entry is that it doesn't stop once the child learns to sleep all night. Because there is no guarantee any child will sleep all night. One of the reasons it's difficult for me to get homework done is that putting my daughter to bed does not necessarily mean that I'm "done with her" for the evening. Because sometimes she wants another drink of water, or an extra hug, or wants to chat. . . and while I try to set a healthy balance (for both of us) between setting limits on bedtime and being flexible to meet her emotional need to have me respond (since we don't spend quite as much quality time together as I would like), I do feel the need to answer her in some way when she calls out. And even if I hardened my heart and didn't respond, her calling out would interrupt my train of thought.
Then there's the middle of the night, when she has a nightmare and either needs me to come over and just give her a hug or -- sometimes -- put her in bed with me.
Studying earlier in the evening is also tough. She wants to be near me, and even if I manage to get it into her nine year-old awareness that she needs to be quiet so Mom can study, she doesn't get that padding silently over to me and laying a fresh piece of art on top of the book I'm working from is also an interruption. And how I can be grouchy when she's presented me with a gift like that?
It's an emotionally complicated place right now: wanting to take my time for myself, to do what I need to do, and also to be present to her both physically and emotionally. . . and to get enough sleep, because I'm one of those people who really can't function without at least six or seven solid hours.
But the primary point of this entry is that it doesn't stop once the child learns to sleep all night. Because there is no guarantee any child will sleep all night. One of the reasons it's difficult for me to get homework done is that putting my daughter to bed does not necessarily mean that I'm "done with her" for the evening. Because sometimes she wants another drink of water, or an extra hug, or wants to chat. . . and while I try to set a healthy balance (for both of us) between setting limits on bedtime and being flexible to meet her emotional need to have me respond (since we don't spend quite as much quality time together as I would like), I do feel the need to answer her in some way when she calls out. And even if I hardened my heart and didn't respond, her calling out would interrupt my train of thought.
Then there's the middle of the night, when she has a nightmare and either needs me to come over and just give her a hug or -- sometimes -- put her in bed with me.
Studying earlier in the evening is also tough. She wants to be near me, and even if I manage to get it into her nine year-old awareness that she needs to be quiet so Mom can study, she doesn't get that padding silently over to me and laying a fresh piece of art on top of the book I'm working from is also an interruption. And how I can be grouchy when she's presented me with a gift like that?
It's an emotionally complicated place right now: wanting to take my time for myself, to do what I need to do, and also to be present to her both physically and emotionally. . . and to get enough sleep, because I'm one of those people who really can't function without at least six or seven solid hours.
