Friends 3 - A Realization
Feb. 6th, 2005 08:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosMy massages from R are both intimate and entirely non-erotic.
He touches, in a way that is both extremely pleasant and utterly professional, parts of my body I would never let him touch if we were engaging as individuals rather than as practitioner and client. It's a tribute to his skill and ethics that this is possible at all, since I have never desired actual intimacy with him. Even during the most pleasant, purr/sigh-inducing parts of the massage, I never feel erotically or sexually turned on.
Today, during the very last few minutes, he gave me a scalp massage, then worked lightly on my facial muscles. Perhaps because I had been reflecting earlier in the session about the non-erotic nature of the interaction, I was paying atypical attention to the feeling of his hands and fingers on my face -- which is an erotically charged zone for me. I still didn't feel an erotic response to him, but I suddenly remembered what it was like to be touched by a lover. I felt R's fingers moving over my skin, and found myself wanting -- in a quiet way -- to be touched once again by a man who was in love with me, and I with him.
He touches, in a way that is both extremely pleasant and utterly professional, parts of my body I would never let him touch if we were engaging as individuals rather than as practitioner and client. It's a tribute to his skill and ethics that this is possible at all, since I have never desired actual intimacy with him. Even during the most pleasant, purr/sigh-inducing parts of the massage, I never feel erotically or sexually turned on.
Today, during the very last few minutes, he gave me a scalp massage, then worked lightly on my facial muscles. Perhaps because I had been reflecting earlier in the session about the non-erotic nature of the interaction, I was paying atypical attention to the feeling of his hands and fingers on my face -- which is an erotically charged zone for me. I still didn't feel an erotic response to him, but I suddenly remembered what it was like to be touched by a lover. I felt R's fingers moving over my skin, and found myself wanting -- in a quiet way -- to be touched once again by a man who was in love with me, and I with him.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-07 04:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-07 05:23 pm (UTC)I've been so busy lately that I hardly have time to reflect in private, much less take the time to write anything here.
These two vacation days have been a real blessing, opening me up for more time to reflect, to play, to rest. . .