"Work" and "Vocation" Realization
Nov. 26th, 2010 06:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosThis is another one of those "I can't believe it took me this long to figure this out" posts.
For the past several years I've been following the example of my teacher and using the term "The Work" to refer to my priestess studies and spiritual practices. (I realize that she didn't originate the term, but I didn't really use it until I became her student.) Once I realized that yes, I really was committed to the priestess path, I started using the term "vocation" to describe my approach to my work.
And yet. . . Too often my spiritual work has been one of the lowest items on my priority list, after the day job, taking care of my kid, and trying to simply keep up with life. Intellectually I've known that I could find nurture, rest, and renewal there, but -- as with physical exercise -- it has often felt like just too much effort to reap the rewards.
Tonight I'm realizing that I have not been treating my work like My Work, much less my Vocation. It's been more of a chore, a duty -- and I've had far too much of that these past few years. I have not felt the eager engagement, the joy, the deep yearning for where the path might take me.
And I need to bring those emotions to my practice. I need to go beyond my intellectual commitment to the Path and truly embrace it as my Work, my Vocation. I need to continue to honor my day job, but I need to start according my spiritual work even greater dignity and energy. I need to allow my inner fire to kindle, not just my mental focus.
I could go *headdesk about this, but I'm not going to. I came to this path in the midst of some of the greatest darkness I have ever known. For more than a year I honestly would have preferred to die. This path was born in my grief; I was initiated by the death of my beloved. Find joy in my path? I've barely had the capacity for simple happiness for more than three years.
Over the past few months I've been looking for new sources of pleasure and happiness. Until very recently I hadn't thought to look here. It's time I took my spiritual practices, my priestess path, out from under the veil of mourning as well and allow it to be the enriching experience, the fun, the exciting, intriguing pursuit it was meant to be.
For the past several years I've been following the example of my teacher and using the term "The Work" to refer to my priestess studies and spiritual practices. (I realize that she didn't originate the term, but I didn't really use it until I became her student.) Once I realized that yes, I really was committed to the priestess path, I started using the term "vocation" to describe my approach to my work.
And yet. . . Too often my spiritual work has been one of the lowest items on my priority list, after the day job, taking care of my kid, and trying to simply keep up with life. Intellectually I've known that I could find nurture, rest, and renewal there, but -- as with physical exercise -- it has often felt like just too much effort to reap the rewards.
Tonight I'm realizing that I have not been treating my work like My Work, much less my Vocation. It's been more of a chore, a duty -- and I've had far too much of that these past few years. I have not felt the eager engagement, the joy, the deep yearning for where the path might take me.
And I need to bring those emotions to my practice. I need to go beyond my intellectual commitment to the Path and truly embrace it as my Work, my Vocation. I need to continue to honor my day job, but I need to start according my spiritual work even greater dignity and energy. I need to allow my inner fire to kindle, not just my mental focus.
I could go *headdesk about this, but I'm not going to. I came to this path in the midst of some of the greatest darkness I have ever known. For more than a year I honestly would have preferred to die. This path was born in my grief; I was initiated by the death of my beloved. Find joy in my path? I've barely had the capacity for simple happiness for more than three years.
Over the past few months I've been looking for new sources of pleasure and happiness. Until very recently I hadn't thought to look here. It's time I took my spiritual practices, my priestess path, out from under the veil of mourning as well and allow it to be the enriching experience, the fun, the exciting, intriguing pursuit it was meant to be.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-27 03:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-28 01:45 am (UTC)This is one of those things that one can read about and be told and still not have it connect. It's once you realize it for yourself that it becomes real.
Congratulations! Important milestone, here.