A Question of Pain

[qos]

toesontheground posted a 50 question meme in his journal the other day. I don't have the time to answer the whole quiz, but one question in particular caught my attention: Which is worse -- emotional pain, or physical pain?

I suspect I am in the minority on this, but my own answer is that physical pain is worse.

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I have had my marriage come apart. I suffered nine months of post-partum depression before I was diagnosed and put on medications. I experienced an existential crisis that put me in such significant, drawn-out pain that I eventually could see the place down the road where I would choose to commit suicide rather than go on.

I don't pretend that I have suffered anywhere near as much emotional pain as some, and it's not a competition, I'm just expressing that I've experienced a few things that literally left me curled up on the floor screaming hysterically into pillows because it hurt so badly and I felt so helpless. They were significant enough emotional pains for them to be initiatory ordeals -- by which I mean that I was not the same person after them that I was before.

In contrast, the physical pains that I have experienced are relatively mild. Pregnancy, child birth, post-partum physical complications (I'll spare you all the details), a gall bladder that had to be removed, having my jaw broken (under anesthesia) and wired shut. Not fun -- but hardly torture or major trauma.

And yet, for me physical pain is worse, because the feelings of helplessness are worse. With emotional pain, I have a sense of perspective: I have been in the depths, and I have come out again. I know that the wheel turns, that I have friends & family who will stick by me, and that I have choices even in the worst circumstances about how I am going to feel about it.

Pain drops me straight back into childhood. I lose my nerve. I feel like I am broken - or on the verge of breaking - and there is nothing I can do about it, and I don't know if it's going to get better. I like to be in control, or to feel that I can exert control, and I never feel as if I can exert control over the roots of physical pain. I feel dependent, helpless, weak. Physical pain brings emotional pain with it. Emotional pain on its own is easier for me to cope with.

Comments

Re: Interesting (as usual)...

[qos.livejournal.com]

I always figure I can put physical pain aside, mentally, if I choose to.

Does this really work for you?

It does not seem to be something I can do under normal circumstances -- unless it's something like the relatively mild discomfort of a headache or stomach ache and I'm in the midst of something deeply engaging.

That's one of the reasons why I enjoy working out with a trainer: having someone else there to help give me moral support when the muscles start to burn and the 'pain' (not injury, but extreme fatigue) becomes intense. Because I wimp out far more often than I rise above it.

Maybe this is one of the reasons the Warrior archetype is so appealing to me. A big part of the Warrior is the ability to cope with pain and keep going anyway.

I am reminded of one of the speeches in the movie GI Jane. "Pain is your friend. Your ally. . . It will tell you when you are seriously injured. It will keep you awake, and angry, and remind you to finish the job and get the hell home. But you know the best thing about pain? ['Don't know!' recruit gasps] It lets you know you're not dead yet!"

Re: Interesting (as usual)...

[toesontheground.livejournal.com]

Does this really work for you?

Mostly, if I choose to make the mental effort. I visualise it as being about "thinking out of phase with the pain" (because for me it usually has a wave form) - it's a trick!

I remember getting pins taken out of my wrist - the surgeon was having difficulty with what should have been a routine post-op procedure under a little local - so he was digging in with the long-nose pliers and wrenching (all the stuff they do as a matter of course with unconscious patients). I was getting to the point where I was thinking fairly abstractly "wow this is getting intense" - but still not too bothered - when my arm came to life of its own acord and started twitching. At which point the surgeon decided he should administer more local. I'm not convinced it had time to make any difference, but he also went a bit easier again, and we got the pins out :)