More Dreaming - And an Insight
Oct. 10th, 2009 06:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosThis was my third night in a row of intense, meaningful dreams. Most significant this time were two distinct dream sequences (separated by a thank-god-it-was-only-a-dream waking interval) in which I had managed to completely mess myself up about where I was. In the first one, I started out arriving for a voice lesson (singing) and events unfolded through being dressed and undressed, being out in my car and driving elsewhere before the lesson started, then getting stuck on one-way streets and parking garages until I was on foot and utterly stymied as to what to do. The second one had a similar sequence of getting turned around in my car and getting separated from it, then walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood -- this one with a large strip/sex club called "Butterfly" with the women out on the sidewalk dancing and talking with passers-by -- and then being on foot on the highway and finally calling my dad and asking for him to pick me up, except that I couldn't actually get to the point of finishng my explanation of where I was or what I needed.
The other dream involved being attacked by a man in a hospital(?) room. I fought back hard while shouting for help, and was able to drive him off.
The dreams of being separated from my car and wandering seem clear enough: they reflect my frustration and feeling of being lost in the area of my job/livelihood. I've started praying every night for help in this area, and I suspect that these dreams are part of the internal process of resolving the issues.
I woke up this morning realizing that it's very likely I'm having a mid-life crisis. I've reached a point in my life where the choices I made in my youth no longer work for me and I don't like where I am, but I'm feeling a bit frightened and intimidated by changing course this "late" in life.
Very little is clear but this: I do not want to do something that involves me being at the mercy of the authority and structures of others. I'm tired of serving the goals and purposes of others. I want to follow my own dreams, pursue my own goals, serve my own internal authority.
Which means that however much I may crave the (supposed) security of a corporate job (regular paycheck, benefits, retirement plan), I need to find the guts and the motivation to stand on my own authority and create my own structure and my own business. I've been struggling with this ever since I was laid off, of course, but feel a growing sense of clarity around the challenge.
The other dream involved being attacked by a man in a hospital(?) room. I fought back hard while shouting for help, and was able to drive him off.
The dreams of being separated from my car and wandering seem clear enough: they reflect my frustration and feeling of being lost in the area of my job/livelihood. I've started praying every night for help in this area, and I suspect that these dreams are part of the internal process of resolving the issues.
I woke up this morning realizing that it's very likely I'm having a mid-life crisis. I've reached a point in my life where the choices I made in my youth no longer work for me and I don't like where I am, but I'm feeling a bit frightened and intimidated by changing course this "late" in life.
Very little is clear but this: I do not want to do something that involves me being at the mercy of the authority and structures of others. I'm tired of serving the goals and purposes of others. I want to follow my own dreams, pursue my own goals, serve my own internal authority.
Which means that however much I may crave the (supposed) security of a corporate job (regular paycheck, benefits, retirement plan), I need to find the guts and the motivation to stand on my own authority and create my own structure and my own business. I've been struggling with this ever since I was laid off, of course, but feel a growing sense of clarity around the challenge.
