Bedtime Troubles

[qos]

For the last week or so, my almost-eight-year-old Little Princess, whose official lights-out time is 8pm, has not been able to fall asleep until after 10pm. Being unable to sleep causes her anxiety, which makes matters worse, and she calls out to me every 10-15 minutes for comfort, reassurance, and a hope that I can magically fix her problem.



I'm tired. I'm very tired, and I'm stressed because I'm not getting things done in the evening that I need to because I'm constantly being interrupted by my child's calls. In order to get to work on time, I need to get up at 5:30am, and since I need the full eight hours of sleep, that means my bedtime should be no later than 9:30. But lately, by the time Herself finally falls asleep some time well after 10pm, I'm so stressed out that I'm awake until at least 11:00, if not later. This means I don't get up when I should, which means I'm racing to get ready for work in time, I do breakfast via the McDonalds drive-through, don't pack a lunch, and end up eating out for lunch (usually teriyaki, which isn't too bad, but still means extra expenditures). I'm too tired to stop at the Curves club after work to exercise.

Then there's my 10-15 page paper for my Swedenborg class (due the 12th), which I haven't been able to work on effectively because of the constant interrupt from The Child, compounded by being too tired to think clearly about theology.

What helps her most is holding her. I've been avoiding that once she's been put to bed, because I don't want her to get into the habit of staying up and "not being able to fall asleep" in order to get more snuggle time. (There's a whole issue there too, about how much time we have together, and what we do with it.) But last night, as I held her on my lap at 10:30 and felt her slowly relax, I realized that I've been going about this all wrong. For whatever reason, this is a difficult stage for her, and I'll do a lot for both of us if I step in with this intervention a couple of hours earlier. She'll feel better, relax more quickly, and fall asleep earlier. Which means the same will be true for me.

Gack. Reading back over this, I see how much of my energy - not just here, in this entry, but at home - is focused on "me, me, me" and how little is on her. Whatever her other issues are, my placing her emotional needs lower down on my priority list doesn't help. Yes, I also need to look after my own needs. But for me, that goes without saying. I'm very good at looking after my own needs. My challenge is to be better at meeting her needs. (It's actually one of the general challenges of the Queen of Swords archetype: we aren't natural, spontaneous nurturers. It takes some concentration and practice.)

Enter of parental emotional download.

Comments

[toesontheground.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. . . !!
I'm surprised at how good that made me feel.
Consider yourself hugged back!

Some Ideas

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

Ary has to get up very early in the morning (5am) to have Mar take me to the bus. Some times she goes back to sleep. some times she stays up. SHe goes to bed and is asleep by no later than 8:30pm. YOu might want to trying adjusting what time she gets up. Maybe getting up an hour early can help her get to sleep at night. While she is up early she could help by making her own lunch and making toast and juice for the both of you.

Many time Ary helps make her lunch and her breakfast in the morning. She is younger than yours so this might work for you. I have found sitting time out to spend with Ary helps with the going to bed on time. SHe gets ready for bed brushing her teeth and betting intobed clothes. We read and share about our day and then it is a hug and a kiss. Sometime when she is having a hard time sleeping I have her fall asleep in my bed and then put her in hers.

I don't know if that helps, but that is what I do.

Re: Some Ideas

[qos.livejournal.com]

Usually our bedtime ritual of bathroom, tooth-brushing, jammies, cuddles and story work fine. This is an unusual aberration in the rhythm of things.

I don't want to try to get her up earlier during the week while this is going on, but I do think we should observe bedtime more strictly on the weekends. Letting her stay up late and sleep in late on Saturday and Sunday can throw her off for a long time, I believe.

But thanks for the suggestions.

Re: Some Ideas

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

This is true but you might want to try the early thing too.