Follow Up on Weight Loss as Ordeal
Apr. 15th, 2009 08:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosA couple of months ago I posted about a thread I'd seen on FetLife about approaching weight loss as an ordeal. Since I'm very interested in ordeals I found this intriguing, a possible way to help add an emotional/spiritual dimension to my efforts, hopefully helping to keep me focused and on track.
It didn't work out that way.
My idea was that I would undertake healthier eating habits and a dedicated program of exercise as a devotional path, offering whatever hardships and struggle I experienced to the honor and service of my patron. Doing it for myself had never been a sufficient motivation for weight loss, so I needed an external focus.
I was rather taken aback when I presented the idea to Ereshkigal and She declined to accept it as an offering. Nope. Not interested, was the gist of Her response. While certainly She is interested in my well-being, She has other, higher priorities for me to focus on in my work with Her.
Okay. . .
So I approached LM about it. He was always a vigorous man who loved working out. He always found me sexy and beautiful, no matter what my size, but also enjoyed seeing me work out and getting stronger. He also enjoys seeing me challenge my boundaries. But he too declined to become involved in this effort. I don't remember the reason he gave.
Their responses surprised and stymied me. How could these two, who took such pleasure in challenge, in transformation, in pushing me, not be interested in this??
It took a while before I understand that they didn't want me to approach this process as an ordeal. There were a couple of reasons for this. First, there's been more than enough pain and struggle in my life for the past few years. They saw no reason to have me undertake more at this time. Second, while an ordeal can be long and grueling on its own terms, the duration of my weight loss is going to be measured in months rather than hours -- or even days. That's far too long for an "ordeal."
This is a process I was to undertake from a perspective of pleasure, not pain. Finding the Nia class was the first step in understanding that. I'm to be embracing healthy habits that make me feel good, not gritting my teeth to endure another round of sacrifice.
How is it going? I joined SparkPeople just over a month ago, have lost 9 pounds, am eating better and exercising more -- including dancing -- and enjoying it.
Ereshkigal and LM understood what I needed far better than I did.
It didn't work out that way.
My idea was that I would undertake healthier eating habits and a dedicated program of exercise as a devotional path, offering whatever hardships and struggle I experienced to the honor and service of my patron. Doing it for myself had never been a sufficient motivation for weight loss, so I needed an external focus.
I was rather taken aback when I presented the idea to Ereshkigal and She declined to accept it as an offering. Nope. Not interested, was the gist of Her response. While certainly She is interested in my well-being, She has other, higher priorities for me to focus on in my work with Her.
Okay. . .
So I approached LM about it. He was always a vigorous man who loved working out. He always found me sexy and beautiful, no matter what my size, but also enjoyed seeing me work out and getting stronger. He also enjoys seeing me challenge my boundaries. But he too declined to become involved in this effort. I don't remember the reason he gave.
Their responses surprised and stymied me. How could these two, who took such pleasure in challenge, in transformation, in pushing me, not be interested in this??
It took a while before I understand that they didn't want me to approach this process as an ordeal. There were a couple of reasons for this. First, there's been more than enough pain and struggle in my life for the past few years. They saw no reason to have me undertake more at this time. Second, while an ordeal can be long and grueling on its own terms, the duration of my weight loss is going to be measured in months rather than hours -- or even days. That's far too long for an "ordeal."
This is a process I was to undertake from a perspective of pleasure, not pain. Finding the Nia class was the first step in understanding that. I'm to be embracing healthy habits that make me feel good, not gritting my teeth to endure another round of sacrifice.
How is it going? I joined SparkPeople just over a month ago, have lost 9 pounds, am eating better and exercising more -- including dancing -- and enjoying it.
Ereshkigal and LM understood what I needed far better than I did.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:05 pm (UTC)Ain't that just the way it goes?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:19 pm (UTC)I got a lot more explanations when I started this path. The general opinion now seems to be that I'm past the point where I should need to be spoon fed.
Which is good. . . although sometimes I wish they would be a bit more direct.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:20 pm (UTC)Actually, the question of how out I want to be is a big one throughout my life right now. . . especially as I'm designing my website for my spiritual direction practice.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:32 pm (UTC)I have similar issues. I set up a "professional" journal for my writing so that I could eventually show it to people in the writing industry, fans, etc. without them knowing WAY too much about my daily life.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 05:35 pm (UTC)I have one deity that likes to be dark, mysterious and scary and make me figure things out on my own. Another that is warm, approachable, kind, and doesn't at all mind explaining things to me.
But I still have to do the things they both tell me. Right now just doing the basic day-to-day things is like pulling teeth from a chicken!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-04-15 06:13 pm (UTC)Ack! Sorry. . .
I was on that group for a while (or one like it?). . . I wasn't truly engaged with my own program then, so I didn't get much out of it. These days I'm not on FL much.
But I'm glad it's a good place for you!
The community aspect of SP has been great for me. I hated going to Weight Watchers meetings when I tried it a couple of years ago, but the SP community is more like being on LJ: pick the people you want to associate with, and interact and engage as much or as little as you like. That is the kind of "group support" an introvert needs!