Work to Do

[qos]

I've been resisting a slowly growing awareness that I need to address the recurrence of an old pattern. This morning during a boring meeting at my office job, Ereshkigal eased into the back of my mind and started the following conversation. It didn't unfold exactly like this, but the dialogue captures the essence of Her prompts, my journaling, and the back and forth of resistance and insistence.


Ereshkigal: Congratulations on getting more grounded in your practices. Now that you’re doing the basic work in a consistent, meaningful way, we can start addressing some of the more advanced work of Dealing With Your Shit.

Me: Shit? What shit? I don’t have any shit to deal with! Or at least: no shit I’m not already aware of and already working on!

Ereshkigal: Uh-huh. Please direct your attention to Exhibit A.

Me: Oh. . . that.

Ereshkigal: Yes, that.

Me: I thought I’d dealt with that.

Ereshkigal: Apparently not. Unless you’d like to dispute the accuracy of Exhibit A?

Me: Ummm. . . No.

Ereshkigal: Good. I realize you thought you’d dealt with it, but this is a deep, pervasive pattern, and one deviation from your usual behavior does not constitute “dealing with it.” What actually happened was that you connected with Who You Were Supposed To Connect With. Now that he’s not physically present, the old pattern is manifesting again. And it’s getting in the way of your Work.

Me: But it feels good! And it’s not really getting the way of –

Ereshkigal: *raises an eyebrow

Me: Yes, ma’am.

pause

Me: But I enjoy it.

Ereshkigal: “Enjoy it” isn’t good enough. This pattern caters to your intensity addiction and it hurts you in the long run. May I remind you of several recent messages that have tried to get you to wake up to the fact that it’s time for you to stop making choices based on shallow, transient conditions – like your moods and addictions – and start making choices that are appropriate for a priestess.

Me: But I like how it feels.

Ereshkigal: I promise you: you will take much deeper pleasure and satisfaction in the other things you’ll accomplish once you clear this out of your system. Consider Exhibits B, C & D.

Me: Yes. . . . those look good. But. . . .

Ereshkigal: No buts. You’re on the path, right?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Ereshkigal: You want to stay on the path, right?

Me: Yes, ma’am.

Ereshkigal: This is where the path goes: straight through all the stuff you'd rather not deal with. Besides, you’ve been expressing a desire to do something other/more than your basic practices. Congratulations, this is your chance.

Me: *silent grousing/resistance

Ereshkigal: *raises her eyebrow again

Me: Yes, ma’am.

pause

Me: I’m afraid of what I’ll lose.

Ereshkigal: You can’t lose what’s not yours. Letting go of what’s obstructing you opens the way for bigger, better, and far more wonderful and nurturing things to enter your life.

Me: I know, but. . . .

Ereshkigal: I know. I’m not pretending it’s going to be easy or painless. If it was, you wouldn't need Me. But this work is necessary. You have to trust me about that.

Me: I know. I do.

Ereshkigal: Focus on what will open up for you. And ask my sister for help. She has special expertise in these matters: both in releasing what you need to release and finding a way forward to get those needs and hungers met in a better way.

Me: All right. I will.

Ereshkigal: *kisses my forehead

Ereshkigal: You’re not alone. We’re all pulling for you. We’re all here to help.

Me: Thank you.

Ereshkigal: *withdraws back into the Underworld

Comments

[queenofhalves]

she is such a top. ;>

[oakmouse]

I'm not surprised. Breakthroughs are usually followed by new assignments.

Believe it or not, this is a good sign.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

She is!

But I'm still not sure to what extent that's a big part of who She is, and that's one of the reasons I was drawn to Her -- or to what extent She chooses to interact with me in this way because it's a dynamic I respond to positively. Certainly I didn't approach Her deliberately, nor did I imagine Her this way prior to my "recruiting" encounter with Her.

[freyasman.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing your struggle. Walking our path is a struggle. There is nothing easy about it at all. It's work; constant work. Often, for me anyway, it seems that the only reward is making progress on the path. I look forward to hearing about the progress you make now!

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

One of the nice things about the exchange was that She made it clear that this is a significant "next step" that's only possible because of what I've already achieved. There may have been a certain edge of irony in Her "congratulations" -- but there was a lot of sincerity in it as well.

[wakingbear.livejournal.com]

An important question...sigh...one I ask myself often in my own deity work.

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's quite and intense conversation. Congrats on getting the next step.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I too struggle with the question of how much is me and how much is Her -- or LM. I'm pretty sure that sometimes I do deceive myself, however I think that more often than not I'm at least getting the gist of what Someone Else is trying to tell me. Times like this -- yes, I'm pretty darn sure it's not me talking to myself.

This is one reason why I cherish both my teacher and my spiritual director. They help provide perspective, and I trust them to let me know if the voices in my head seem to be driven more by ego than Spirit.

[rainstardragon.livejournal.com]

Eeee.... Almost makes me wonder if my Lady, and my Guardian (and the deity who has decided to help me discover the masculine side of the storm energy) compare notes...

Like Ereshkigal said, we're all pulling for you. Thank you for sharing so much of your own personal journey. Also nice to know I'm not the only one that gets discussions in the middle of regular day things.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Yes.

Although Ereshkigal seems to often express Her goodness through a prod in the backside with a leather boot!

;-)

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's amazing! Congratulations on all the progress and work well done.

[watcher457.livejournal.com]

Besides, who's to say that, even if it is you talking to you, that those thoughts aren't being gently guided and goaded?

[godhole.livejournal.com]

Firm, clear, and supportive. That's gotta be enough to go on with.
:)

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Yep.

As tops and bosses go, She's a good one. ;-)

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

I love hearing your experiences. They just keep pushing me in good directions too.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I'm always glad to hear when my experiences are of help to others.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I agree!

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

My life is just a bit surreal. . . but very satisfying right now!