Dad Likes It

[qos]

Yesterday afternoon I emailed a copy of my papers on "Being Human" and "Sin" to my father. He called me last night to tell me how impressed - and moved - he was by them.

This is of note because although for most of my life I have been "Daddy's Girl," I've been feeling like he's withdrawn from me a bit since I started attending seminary. He left the ministry before I was born, and tends to define himself as a reverent agnostic. He attends church with my mother, but I strongly suspect he finds communion with God far more often in nature. Which is fine -- but it perhaps has been putting up a barrier between us as he contemplates me going into ministry. I don't think he "disapproves," but I don't think he's entirely comfortable with it either.

The fact that I'm embarking on generating a whole new burden of school loans doesn't help (although all my previous education has been paid off).

So to have him call me and respond so positively to my work was very important to me.

One day, he and I will have to talk about these issues -- but the right moment hasn't yet come.

Comments

[toesontheground.livejournal.com]

Hey that's good, isn't it, all in all :)

[qos.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is. :-)

The love of a father...

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

Yesterday afternoon I emailed a copy of my papers on "Being Human" and "Sin" to my father. He called me last night to tell me how impressed - and moved - he was by them.

I know for my self there is no one else in the world that I have to impress is my self. To impress my father is an impressive feat that I have done only a handful of time in my life. The times that I have been the most rewarding in my life.

You are very lucky to have a father that will tell you when he is impressed with what you do. I know I tell my daughter all the time when I am impressed with her.

Re: The love of a father...

[qos.livejournal.com]

I agree that the only person I "have to impress" is myself. But since I've had my father's obvious approval all my life, my sense that it had been withdrawn recently has been a new and unfamiliar kind of pain. In the past, even when I was not impressed with myself, he maintained a staunch affirmation of his belief in me and his regard for me.

During this painful time, I'm trying to remind myself that this probably has a lot more to do with his own discomfort with the idea of ministry than it does with any negative judgement of me. But that's something he and I will need to make explicit at some point. Or maybe not. Maybe he will relax as time goes on and it will never need to be addressed.

Your daughter is very fortunate to have a father who affirms her and tells her he's proud of her.

Re: The love of a father...

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

I agree that the only person I "have to impress" is myself. But since I've had my father's obvious approval all my life, my sense that it had been withdrawn recently has been a new and unfamiliar kind of pain. In the past, even when I was not impressed with myself, he maintained a staunch affirmation of his belief in me and his regard for me.


I think that parents over time have a shifting in how they view their children. On the one hand they do see that they are getting older and are not the youth they use to be. On the other hand the have to deal with the fact that their children are moving into a role of almost of a peer to their own knowledge. I think during this time of moving from our young adult years in to our adult lives that our parents have the most issue with their children. Not in how they love them, but in they way they have a healthy relationship with them. I think as son or daughter we are always try to gain the respect, attention, and affirmation from our parents. I think this crosses over into our adult years. I know I have felt a large shift in the way my father and I communicate. My father is my hero and the one I look up to. I wish that I could be better than him in all things I do, and so does my father.

Hell I believe in you. You impress me all the time. You are very wise, intelligent and independent women. The things you write about amaze me. This is why I am so glad I did not loose contact with you.

Re: The love of a father...

[qos.livejournal.com]

You make an excellent point about the challenges of the transition from "young adult" to "adult." It's one that our society doesn't acknowledge the way it does the adolescent-to-young-adult phase. We expect parent/child conflict, or at least change, during those years, but don't really address what happens later on - expect perhaps when the child moves into a caregiver role.

My father is my hero, and part of my inner work over the last few years has been to separate my admiration from him and my desire to emulate him from my understanding of what choices are right for me.

Thanks for that last paragraph.