Changes

[qos]

Two nights ago I had a dream which powerfully challenged my strong identification with the Queen of Swords.

The next morning I found a gorgeous new image of the Queen of Swords -- and then realized with a shock that she was not the image of who I want to be.

By noon, I'd done some serious soul-searching and journaling, and had changed the name, default userpic, and layout of my primary journal -- all of which had been the same since October 2003 when I first created it.

This morning I posted about realizing that the change would also include discarding quite a few of the 100+ userpics I've made and/or collected over the years, to make room for the new images that my new path/identity/growth calls for. I comforted myself with the image of Inanna leaving her regalia behind her on the ground of the Underworld as she progressed through yet another gate.

Since adolescence I've collected names, archetypes, titles which speak to me of myself. There have been some significant changes over the years, but those changes have been few. Right now I feel the trappings of my most recent self turning brittle and crumbling on the edges, starting to flake away -- or let loose like an iceberg.

I'm sitting at my desk at work, have opened my notebook and started writing the names and roles and titles that have the most meaning and urgency for me right now. It's a short list:

- Ereshkigal's Bitch
- Feral
- Underworld Priestess
- Janet Munin

Do I know this woman? Is this who I see when I look in the mirror?
Do I understand her gifts? Do I know what she's capable of?

Not yet.

There is more to me than what is expressed in this short list, but these aspects are where the energy is right now. These are the parts of myself I need to know and own and act from if I'm going to progress at this time.

Comments

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

wow.

and it can happen THAT FAST. Yes, I understand this.

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

:)

[die-uberfrau.livejournal.com]

It takes a lot of self-honesty and courage to become a new self. That is part of what the journey is about.

I relate to this in ways that are hard to express, but, "well done".

[rainstardragon.livejournal.com]

I understand this. It is very like leaving behind the regalia, and it will be interesting what you learn about your core, and what new regalia you will eventually have.