Changing My Stories
Oct. 2nd, 2008 08:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qos[x-posted]
We define ourselves, in part, by the stories we tell about ourselves. We choose certain aspects of ourselves and make them prominent by the way we privelege them in how we talk about ourselves to others -- and in our own internal dialogue.
Long-time friends may remember that several years ago one of the primary features of my story of myself was that I was a woman whose heart had been badly broken twice in quick succession, and who never expected to love again. One day, while making an entry here, I realized I was tired of that story. I didn't feel an active desire to be in a relationship again, but I knew I didn't want that to be my story anymore. I stopped telling that story to myself or to others.
Not too many months later, Michael, with LM looking over his shoulder, left his first comment on my journal, starting me on the road to not one but two amazing loves.
This morning I wrote an entry that at the last moment I decided to make private. It wasn't anything super-secret or extremely decliate. It was stuff I've posted about frequently before -- and that was the trouble. I realized that I was tired of telling certain stories about myself, tired of living certain narratives that trap me in pain and frustration.
I need to change some of my stories. It's time to stop telling the story of a woman with a Masters Degree trapped in a day job that gives her no satisfaction. It's time to stop telling the story of grief over my lover's death. It's time to stop telling the story of the reluctant mother.
It's time to start telling the story of the priestess and spiritual director and author. It's time to start telling the story of the woman who has been blessed with a love that transcends time and space and the material world. It's time to start telling the story of the amazing relationship I have with my terrific daughter.
Careful the tale you tell, that is the spell warns the Witch in Sondheim's "Into the Woods" -- and it's the truth.
The facts of my life are no different at this moment than they were two hours ago. But I'm telling a new story -- which means I'm creating a whole new world for myself to inhabit and I'm shaping a whole new destiny.
What stories are you telling about yourself?
Are you telling the story of the person you really want to be?
We define ourselves, in part, by the stories we tell about ourselves. We choose certain aspects of ourselves and make them prominent by the way we privelege them in how we talk about ourselves to others -- and in our own internal dialogue.
Long-time friends may remember that several years ago one of the primary features of my story of myself was that I was a woman whose heart had been badly broken twice in quick succession, and who never expected to love again. One day, while making an entry here, I realized I was tired of that story. I didn't feel an active desire to be in a relationship again, but I knew I didn't want that to be my story anymore. I stopped telling that story to myself or to others.
Not too many months later, Michael, with LM looking over his shoulder, left his first comment on my journal, starting me on the road to not one but two amazing loves.
This morning I wrote an entry that at the last moment I decided to make private. It wasn't anything super-secret or extremely decliate. It was stuff I've posted about frequently before -- and that was the trouble. I realized that I was tired of telling certain stories about myself, tired of living certain narratives that trap me in pain and frustration.
I need to change some of my stories. It's time to stop telling the story of a woman with a Masters Degree trapped in a day job that gives her no satisfaction. It's time to stop telling the story of grief over my lover's death. It's time to stop telling the story of the reluctant mother.
It's time to start telling the story of the priestess and spiritual director and author. It's time to start telling the story of the woman who has been blessed with a love that transcends time and space and the material world. It's time to start telling the story of the amazing relationship I have with my terrific daughter.
Careful the tale you tell, that is the spell warns the Witch in Sondheim's "Into the Woods" -- and it's the truth.
The facts of my life are no different at this moment than they were two hours ago. But I'm telling a new story -- which means I'm creating a whole new world for myself to inhabit and I'm shaping a whole new destiny.
What stories are you telling about yourself?
Are you telling the story of the person you really want to be?
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-02 05:06 pm (UTC)It's really exciting to watch you go through this process!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-02 05:39 pm (UTC)It occurs to me that, in some ways, I am not telling my own story as much as I am trying to fit in as a supporting character in the stories of others. Gotta do something about that.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-02 06:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-02 08:02 pm (UTC)I've been reading a book called "Imperial Woman" by a Pearl S. Buck, which is the historical tale of an Empress of China, and she seems to have employed that technique in her life as well from what I've read through the book.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-02 08:17 pm (UTC)I've owned that book since junior high. I haven't read it in years, but yes -- I think you're right about her.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-03 03:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-03 04:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-10-03 12:05 am (UTC)Curtain!