Satisfying Practice Session - Inner Victory

[qos]

I was not being very faithful with my regular practices for a month or more -- okay, not doing them at all -- but a sharp comment from Ereshkigal finally got my head on straight, and I've been doing them consistently for the past two weeks. For those of you who are new (or have forgotten after my long silence), I'm learning some basic hermetic techniques, the Qabalistic Cross and the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, and also doing a technique by Orion Foxwood called Aligning the 3-Fold Soul and a breathing exercise. I'm supposed to do these every day, without fail. (Although when I got slightly tipsy Saturday night on the anniversary of LM's passing, I was forgiven, given the extenuating circumstances.)

Some evenings I've felt like a little kid going But I don't wanna! -- those times are getting less common as the practices sink in. Last night, however, I felt like I took a significant step forward.

For many years, I've been derailed from my own plans and priorities by strong conflict-related emotions. This doesn't happen very often -- but maybe that's one reason why when it does happen I've been nearly helpless to do anything constructive. There's an adrenaline rush involved and the drama of righteous indignation that's easy for me to get caught up in.

Last night just before practice time, I received an utterly inappropriate, out of line message from a brand new member of another forum that I'm on. I've heard about things like this happening to other women, but in more than fifteen years on the internet, it hadn't happened to me until now. I was appalled. I sent back a crisp, brief lesson in courtesy and told him he was out of line -- and when I got upstairs to do my practice that combative energy was still swirling around me. Most other nights I would have let it dominate everything else, and certainly allow it to distract me from my spiritual work with speculation about whether or not he would write back, if he would apologize or come on harder. . .

Instead, I told myself that this jerk was not going to get in the way of what I truly valued. I did the QC and LBRP -- and found myself calm, centered, and no longer caring about the anonymous oaf.

I went on to do a new energy exercise with LM acting as my inner world partner, and that was challenging but satisfying.

At the end, as I was coming back into normal consciousness, I had the distinct impression of Ereshkigal smiling and saying "Well done" -- and She is not a lady to hand out easy compliments.

It was deeply satisfying on all kinds of levels.

It occurs to me that this may be one of those times the sages speak of when they teach about overcoming the enemy within rather than focusing on an external enemy.

Comments

[erl-queen.livejournal.com]

Hi, this isn't a comment on this entry, but rather a little note just to let you know that I friended you, because I've been reading your posts on Sannion's flist page (he's my SO) for awhile now and really enjoying what you write about. My name is Kate, I'm a Hellenic polytheist and spiritworker, and while my practice is different from yours in many ways, I find that we seem to encounter some of the same things internally, at least. I greatly respect the work you've been doing.

No obligation to friend me back, of course, just wanted to introduce myself. :)

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

I'm delighted and honored that you want to read my journal! I've seen you on Sannion's page as well, and I look forward to getting to know you better.

[oakmouse]

Earthing out the anger etc through ritual is a very satisfying feeling, isn't it?

That kind of energy can also give you a lot of fuel for ritual, if you control the form it takes. if you get a strong head of anger you want to defuse, you can use the ritual as a time to transmute the anger into clean, pure energy and use it (or return it to the earth). As soon as time permits, I'll write you something about that.

(If I forget, remind me! Work is uber-nuts right now.)

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

What I appreciated most was that earthing out my anger had not been my intent. It just happened.

That kind of energy can also give you a lot of fuel for ritual, if you control the form it takes.

My directing professor made a similar comment (although not about ritual) when I had confess that I was unable to turn in an assignment because I'd been derailed by anger. He told me I needed to learn to channel and use it. That was in the spring of 1987. . . I still remember the advice and still don't feel like I've figured out how to do it. But maybe I'm now a step closer.