Creating a Mosaic

[qos]

My spiritual studies definitely progress in a spiral pattern, with one thing being emphasize for a while, reaching a plateau, and then working on something else for a while as the previous elements integrate. The difference between this time of my life and others is that the different pieces are all being absorbed as part of a coherent overall path.

After spending months focusing on sacred sexuality and bdsm for my Pantheacon class, and dealing with the hurt of being written off by Michael as "a worthwhile sacrifice" to his higher priorities, I've been working with ritual magic again. As I've written here before, I've always had an intense resistance to these practices -- but that resistance has slowly been eroding. I'm pretty sure it's not the recommended technique, but I've been simultaneously reading several different books on the subject of ritual magic and Qabalah, with each one giving me a different perspective on the basic principles.

Why does this work for me? Because I have a hard time learning when I'm presented with the detail work first. I need to understand the big picture and guiding principles first, and then I develop the patience with the incremental steps of building applied knowledge through focus and practice on the basics. It helps, of course, that I have a teacher who can answer my questions about what is essential and what is personal choice.

As I told my teacher recently: it's like filling in the pieces of a mosaic. In isolation the bits have little or no meaning, but with enough pieces filled in, I can start to understand the overall design. Focusing on only one book is like filling in just the green pieces, or just the upper left hand corner: it's all part of the design, but quickly loses any sense of meaningfulness for me.

I'm not the easiest person in the world to have as a student.

The books I'm reading right now are "Learning Ritual Magic," "The Magic Tree," "The Disciple's Guide to Ritual Magic" (thanks, lupabitch!), and "The Thursday Night Tarot." The last one is a lovely, conversational guide to the Major Arcana through the lense of Qabalah, and since I'm pretty strong in Tarot, it's kind of reverse engineering for me. And of course these are not the first books on the subject I've read. Like most of us, I have a whole library of magical books -- most of which were never much use to me, but I carry the information from them, and it too is part of the mosaic.

How is all this working for me? Two days ago I drew a diagram of my own circle, elements, guardians, and etc. -- and although I've stood in many circles and cast a few (but not many) of my own, this was the first time I felt like I was truly in touch with the why, what, and who of it. This was the first time I felt the act of casting would have meaning and not just be a rote because-I'm-supposed-to act.

That was a good feeling.

My weekday evenings are focused on study and time with my kid, so I haven't actually done the casting yet -- but I'm looking forward to doing it this weekend.

Comments

[lupagreenwolf.livejournal.com]

Okay, if you're learning ritual magic, you really, really, really need William G. Gray's "Magical Ritual Methods" (if you don't already). It's the best guide I've seen to what ritual magic is composed of, and why the individual components work the way they do. In short, a great guide to magical mechanics. I've had to do some rebuilding myself, and it was a really good book to help me focus what I already know about my personal cosmology.

[oakmouse]

I'm not the easiest person in the world to have as a student.

Says who? ;)

The fact that everything is coming together into a meaningful pattern is a good sign in many ways. Remember what J said about doing the work? Yeah, that. *g*

You may at this point find it useful to pick up WE Butler's books "Apprenticed to Magic" and "The Magician: His Training and Work". The only reason I didn't recommend them before was because of your sustained no-interest in CM. Butler, who was head of the SOL before Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki, was a magical teacher of simply astonishing caliber, quite possibly the greatest of the 20th century. I've read those two books dozens of times, and each rereading takes you a bit deeper than the previous readings did.

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

This was the first time I felt the act of casting would have meaning and not just be a rote because-I'm-supposed-to act.

That's awesome!

[jcalanthe]

My spiritual studies definitely progress in a spiral pattern, with one thing being emphasize for a while, reaching a plateau, and then working on something else for a while as the previous elements integrate.

This really resonated for me - this is how my healing journey was/is, and I'm starting to think this is how life is in general. & I think all the pieces eventually get absorbed into one's life path, though doing it intentionally probably smooths that process.

Nothing in the above makes you sound like a difficult student. Everyone learns differently, and the trick is to find teachers who have complimentary styles (and it sounds like you have in this case). You're so excited about & invested in this work, any teacher would be lucky to work with you, IMO.

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I appreciate the affirmation.