Power from Outside

[qos]

Ereshkigal has been very specific about some things she wants from me in the way of daily discipline, and in building Her an altar. Number one on the list of Must Do's is my morning practice. She doesn't care all that much about the amount of yoga I do, but she is insistent that I do TRLB and meditate and/or pray. She has also been very demanding about my staying focused for as long as it takes for Her to say what She has to say. If my attention flags or is diverted, She pulls me back. If I start to get up too soon I ended up back in my chair or on my knees.

This morning I did TRLB followed by the 3-Light empowerment that I described yesterday. To my surprise, as I stood there absorbing the light/energy, Ereshkigal put my crown on my head. This came as more than a bit of a shock to me, since I had been so firmly put in a humble position on Sunday during my journey. She smiled at my surprise. You haven't lost any of your previous power or titles. I'm like LM: your power just makes you more attractive to have serving me. You start at the bottom with me, but you haven't lost anything you already earned.

Then She pointed out that for all my life I've been working solely from my own power. Your Christian faith disempowered you, She stated. I tried to argue, but She pointed out that however comforting or ethically grounding it was, it did not make me confident, or encourage me to think for myself or trust my own decisions or defend myself. All of which is true. There is a lot of good in Christianity, and much of it that I still treasure, but it was not a source of empowerment for me.

And since you lost that faith, She went on, you've been working solely from your own power and resources. Of course there's been a limit to your confidence, and to what you can accomplish. But now you're starting to feel that you're connected in to so much more than just yourself. And that's what's starting to make a difference: in your vocational development as well as your spiritual practice.

Once She was sure I had understood and accepted Her words, She released me from my meditation.

She is so obviously right about my not having been connected (or not connected firmly) to a power larger than my own, and how it's limited me. After years of working and wishing, it's only been since I started on the Underworld path and started actively engaging with Divinity again, and actively striving to deepen that connection, that my spiritual direction practice has started to manifest and that my spiritual practice has had any impact at all.

ETA: This of course dovetails perfectly with oakmouse's comment yesterday about me being "on my contacts" -- which shouldn't surprise me.

Comments

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

what is TRLB? apologies if you've already explained it recently; I haven't been reading lj assiduously.

also, if you don't mind me asking, how have you developed such a close working relationship with your Goddess? I ask because I'd really like to begin to work more closely again with the Divine-- including the Gods I've connected with in the past, as well as opening to the ones I feel called to explore lately. Suddenly I feel curious and disoriented with regards to worship, you know?

-Oli

[shadowandstar.livejournal.com]

Most of the answers to your questions can be found by going to my main journal page and scrolling back through the last few entries. It's probably easier for you to read those than me to try to explain in a comment.

The slightly longer background answer is that I'd been rootless in my spirituality for quite some time. LM and I had done some sacred sex ritual and scening, but it wasn't connected in to the rest of my life. LM's death at the end of May was the catalyst for me connecting with my teacher. Through working with her, I started connecting in with the Divine through Isis, Inanna, Arianrhod, and Anubis, and getting into a true habit of fairly consistent spiritual practice for the first time in my life.

The turning point came this past Sunday. That's when LM and I did a ritual together that ended up with me on an offering stone and then taken by Hecate to Ereshkigal. It's as if I was finally ready to start doing the serious work.

My daily practice combines a bit of yoga to get my body and energy awake, then TRLB (see previous entry), followed by meditation. You may find something that works better. I've also had the desire to remain connected with LM as a powerful motivation to be faithful with my practice, even when the gods haven't felt close.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask more questions, here or on the other entries.

[starfrosting.livejournal.com]

it does help, thanks. it took me a minute to realize TRLB was the rising light exercise you'd mentioned in the entry I'd read just before this--oh, end-of-week mind meltdown.

when you reached out to these deities, though, how were you doing it? praying, leaving offerings, going into trance states? or, rather, if They called you, how'd you get to a point where you can really hear and communicate with Them?

(I've been having this pervasive feeling of being on the precipice of that sort of communion, and it's leading me to ask lots of questions when I probably need to just do the work.)

[ancareth-raven.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed reading this one.