Sex and Spirit - By Way of Intro
Oct. 10th, 2007 05:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosFor many, many years I hungered for a sacred element to my sexuality, but it was never something my partners were interested in. That changed dramatically with LM and our partner M. My first intimate encounter with M was one of explicit healing of my sexuality on many levels, a very powerful and potent experience. Later, when I got to know LM, our relationship was catalyzed in part by the fact that we both resonated with the same connections to sovereignty and sacred sexuality. Both of them were skilled and experienced at ritual sexuality, and about combining elements of bdsm -- also a long and deeply-rooted desire for me -- with the sacred. It was mind-blowingly wonderful.
That's all been in abeyance over the months since LM died. He and I are connecting in a different way, and M and I broke up.
One of the griefs I've been dealing with is the loss of those experiences from my life. I'm not interested in a new relationship right now, but I miss, on a very deep level, the power and the pleasure of full-bodied sexual love that connects to the sacred in a conscious, deliberate way. (My current experience of pleasure with LM does connect to the sacred, but it's not the same as flesh on flesh, with the augmented intensity that comes from the use of certain tools.)
It's a loss not just to my heart and nerve endings, but to my sense of myself as a priestess. This is part of my spiritual path, but not only have I lost both my partners, I've been feeling too raw to even imagine entering that space with anyone else. But I want to learn more, to experience more, and to be able to share about it with others. I've always seen myself more as a writer and workshop instructor than an actual hierodule, but I've seldom entirely written that off as a possibility.
That's all been in abeyance over the months since LM died. He and I are connecting in a different way, and M and I broke up.
One of the griefs I've been dealing with is the loss of those experiences from my life. I'm not interested in a new relationship right now, but I miss, on a very deep level, the power and the pleasure of full-bodied sexual love that connects to the sacred in a conscious, deliberate way. (My current experience of pleasure with LM does connect to the sacred, but it's not the same as flesh on flesh, with the augmented intensity that comes from the use of certain tools.)
It's a loss not just to my heart and nerve endings, but to my sense of myself as a priestess. This is part of my spiritual path, but not only have I lost both my partners, I've been feeling too raw to even imagine entering that space with anyone else. But I want to learn more, to experience more, and to be able to share about it with others. I've always seen myself more as a writer and workshop instructor than an actual hierodule, but I've seldom entirely written that off as a possibility.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-03 02:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-04 04:36 pm (UTC)When I was younger and more erotically open, I didn't have the spiritual grounding for such a practice. Now I think I have that grounding (or could) but I'm not at all convinced I have the openness to walk that path. At the same time, I know the erotic is part of my spirituality, a deep part. It's a matter of figuring out what's appropriate at this time and place.