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qosThe central ritual of the Ordo Arcanorum Gradalis, in which fellowship I am an ordained priestess, is the Grail Mass. This ritual, written by OAG founder Shadwynn, beautifully combines Christian and Pagan imagery and honors the Goddess in the Cup and the God in the Bread. It's also lengthy and verbose -- a bit much for my Protestant-conditioned sensibilities, especially to celebrate by myself.
But I've been longing to celebrate a communion meal again, to ritually identify the Divine in the elements of bread and wine and then take them into myself, acting out my desire to be one with the Divine and partake of the mystery of sacrifice and rebirth.
Tonight, I improvised -- and without the pressure of trying remember every word and gesture of the liturgy I was overwhelmed by the power of the mystery.
My coffee table altar was simple: two candles (one each for the Goddess and God), the Cup, a saucer with a biscuit on it, my wand and athame. There wasn't even a covering for the table.
I smudged the living room, dining room and kitchen, lit some extra candles and put some ylang-ylang and myrrh oil in the diffuser. Then I set on the couch and began to pray.
Very quickly I realized that my intention for the ritual was not anywhere as clear as it could have been, but gave myself permission to go slowly and pay attention to inner promptings.
I invited my patron deities to join me, especially Isis -- who figures prominently in the OAG Grail Mass -- and soon was focusing on the grape juice in the cup. It was dark and deep in the candlelight, and all of the sudden I was overwhelmed by the enormity of what I was doing: asking the Goddess to infuse the liquid with Her essence and share it with me (and with LM who was participating as he could).
How dare I, a mortal, partake in the essence of the Divine?
It wasn't an angry accusation from outside myself, but a welling up of awe and wonder and holy fear from within.
I started weeping from the enormity of it, from the awesome power of the Mystery by which humanity celebrates, remembers and partakes of eternal life and sacrificial death.
My words of blessing and offering stumbled, but they were some of the most sincere I have ever uttered in my life, even if I couldn't tell you now what they were. When I finally dared to lift the cup and partake of its contents, the grape tasted sweet and deep.
When I turned to the bread it was even more overwhelming, contemplating the savior-shepherd-king gods who die and are reborn, whose flesh is transformed into grain that feeds the people on both a physical and a spiritual level, he who loves the Goddess who bears him, marries him, weeps for him, and bears him again.
My words can't come close to communicating what I felt, nor the wonder of having Isis acknowledge my rite and let me know that my intentions would be honored and blessed.
It's only now as I type this that I realize there was no thought of the Grail in my mind when I performed the ritual, although the intent was of the Grail. To me, the Grail represents the double quest which I believe is the goal of the spiritual life in any context: to know union with the Divine, and to "heal the Wasteland" -- that is, to be a channel for divine blessings into the world, becoming a catalyst for healing and renewal to people and to the earth itself.
That is the purpose of my being a priestess: to become ever more deeply one with the Divine (or to ever more vividly recognize my oneness), and to become a channel of blessing, according to Divine purpose and my own unique gifts.
But I've been longing to celebrate a communion meal again, to ritually identify the Divine in the elements of bread and wine and then take them into myself, acting out my desire to be one with the Divine and partake of the mystery of sacrifice and rebirth.
Tonight, I improvised -- and without the pressure of trying remember every word and gesture of the liturgy I was overwhelmed by the power of the mystery.
My coffee table altar was simple: two candles (one each for the Goddess and God), the Cup, a saucer with a biscuit on it, my wand and athame. There wasn't even a covering for the table.
I smudged the living room, dining room and kitchen, lit some extra candles and put some ylang-ylang and myrrh oil in the diffuser. Then I set on the couch and began to pray.
Very quickly I realized that my intention for the ritual was not anywhere as clear as it could have been, but gave myself permission to go slowly and pay attention to inner promptings.
I invited my patron deities to join me, especially Isis -- who figures prominently in the OAG Grail Mass -- and soon was focusing on the grape juice in the cup. It was dark and deep in the candlelight, and all of the sudden I was overwhelmed by the enormity of what I was doing: asking the Goddess to infuse the liquid with Her essence and share it with me (and with LM who was participating as he could).
How dare I, a mortal, partake in the essence of the Divine?
It wasn't an angry accusation from outside myself, but a welling up of awe and wonder and holy fear from within.
I started weeping from the enormity of it, from the awesome power of the Mystery by which humanity celebrates, remembers and partakes of eternal life and sacrificial death.
My words of blessing and offering stumbled, but they were some of the most sincere I have ever uttered in my life, even if I couldn't tell you now what they were. When I finally dared to lift the cup and partake of its contents, the grape tasted sweet and deep.
When I turned to the bread it was even more overwhelming, contemplating the savior-shepherd-king gods who die and are reborn, whose flesh is transformed into grain that feeds the people on both a physical and a spiritual level, he who loves the Goddess who bears him, marries him, weeps for him, and bears him again.
My words can't come close to communicating what I felt, nor the wonder of having Isis acknowledge my rite and let me know that my intentions would be honored and blessed.
It's only now as I type this that I realize there was no thought of the Grail in my mind when I performed the ritual, although the intent was of the Grail. To me, the Grail represents the double quest which I believe is the goal of the spiritual life in any context: to know union with the Divine, and to "heal the Wasteland" -- that is, to be a channel for divine blessings into the world, becoming a catalyst for healing and renewal to people and to the earth itself.
That is the purpose of my being a priestess: to become ever more deeply one with the Divine (or to ever more vividly recognize my oneness), and to become a channel of blessing, according to Divine purpose and my own unique gifts.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-10 04:49 pm (UTC)This is crucial. If your priestess experience is anything like mine or that of other priestesses I know, you'll receive inner calls to carry out a piece of work and yet often have no clear sense of what it is --- only promptings surfacing as to what you need to do. Learning to listen to these will make your work easier in both the short and the long run.
I think you did better than you realize. You certainly conveyed something of the flavor of the experience.
Very good. Sit with this and give it time to ripen and mature. It will bear beautiful fruit.
*hug*
(no subject)
Date: 2007-09-11 01:07 pm (UTC)Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-26 03:35 pm (UTC)