Stressful Day
Jul. 26th, 2004 05:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosIt wasn't a bad day, per se, but it wasn't particularly fun.
On the work side: last Friday I spent hours setting up last-minute travel arrangements for five of our people from Georgia to fly out on Sunday and spend a week in Minneapolis. None of them have personal credit cards that can carry the airline and hotel charges until an expense report can be filed, and none of them have a company purchasing card. So I worked with our internal travel company and arranged to have the tickets billed directly to the company and the hotel to my card. No problem.
Except that this morning I got a call from the hotel saying that my card had been declined. A call to the A/P department didn't help my stress level, because I was told that p-cards are not authorized for travel expenses.
Oh, great. I have five people hundreds of miles from home and no way to pay the hotel.
Fortunately, the woman from A/P didn't waste time chewing me out for being an idiot and not knowing the full policy on the p-card. She figured out how to work a one-time exception authorization and set it up. The hotel gets paid, our people keep a roof over their heads, and I learn a valuable lesson.
Of course, it took several hours to work all of this out, and I remained tense the whole time. I tried to back down from it, using the same technique that's been so helpful in my relationship with Miss Vicki. It was harder in this situation, because I felt responsible to the hotel and to my travelers.
While this was going on, my mother called. I should have known better than to tell her that the Ex, the SO and her grandchild didn't have seats together for the initial leg of the flight on Saturday. I really wasn't worried about it, because it's very rare a flight attendant can't find someone who is willing to trade seats to help a family sit together. But Mom got instantly worried. She was afraid of the Child being traumatized or - knowing her - somehow kidnapped off the plane. Then she asked me what I was doing this week. And I told her: belly dance class tonight ("Belly dance?" she repeated, her voice going tense again), gym on Tuesday, museum with the ex-boyfriend on Wednesday, "King Arthur" with the god-daughter Thursday, the gym on Friday, and game on Saturday.
"So. . ." she said, "you have something three nights a week: this belly dancing class and the gym." And I knew from the tone of her voice, what she had said about the situation with the SO last week, and what she wasn't saying in that moment, that she was upset because I was going out three nights a week instead of being home with my daughter. Which meant that it was the SO instead of me who was going to be doing the mom-job (in her mind). What she said to me was, "I thought we would have you over for dinner one night this week, but evidently you already have a lot going on." There was an atypical edge in her voice, a rebuke -- and my mom is not usually one for guilt trips.
She hung up quickly after that, leaving me with an unpleasant feeling of resentment in my stomach. I am getting strong signals that she doesn't approve of any part of the situation with the Ex's SO, and it's bad enough that I'm not going to be around three evenings a week, but that I'm doing something as scandalous as belly dancing is like salt in a wound for her. Add to that the appearance of an ex-boyfriend. . .
I usually have a great relationship with both of my parents, which makes this even more uncomfortable. If this were par for the course I could just shrug or curse and get on with things. But this is not what either she or I is used to. Unfortunately, our family is not very good at dealing with strong negative feelings with each other. They tend to get buried or come out in a rush of intense hurt. I'm hoping that she'll talk with Dad, and he will be able to help -- but it's entirely possible he'll be matching her mood in this. I honestly don't know.
I suppose I'll have to talk with her about it sometime soon. I want to give her a couple of days to process it before I do, however. Who me? Practice avoidance?
*sigh*
Being a mother is tough enough without having to clash with my own mother about how to do it. She and I are different species, but that hasn't been an issue for a long time. Which makes this even more upsetting to me. I had hoped we were through with certain issues.
On the work side: last Friday I spent hours setting up last-minute travel arrangements for five of our people from Georgia to fly out on Sunday and spend a week in Minneapolis. None of them have personal credit cards that can carry the airline and hotel charges until an expense report can be filed, and none of them have a company purchasing card. So I worked with our internal travel company and arranged to have the tickets billed directly to the company and the hotel to my card. No problem.
Except that this morning I got a call from the hotel saying that my card had been declined. A call to the A/P department didn't help my stress level, because I was told that p-cards are not authorized for travel expenses.
Oh, great. I have five people hundreds of miles from home and no way to pay the hotel.
Fortunately, the woman from A/P didn't waste time chewing me out for being an idiot and not knowing the full policy on the p-card. She figured out how to work a one-time exception authorization and set it up. The hotel gets paid, our people keep a roof over their heads, and I learn a valuable lesson.
Of course, it took several hours to work all of this out, and I remained tense the whole time. I tried to back down from it, using the same technique that's been so helpful in my relationship with Miss Vicki. It was harder in this situation, because I felt responsible to the hotel and to my travelers.
While this was going on, my mother called. I should have known better than to tell her that the Ex, the SO and her grandchild didn't have seats together for the initial leg of the flight on Saturday. I really wasn't worried about it, because it's very rare a flight attendant can't find someone who is willing to trade seats to help a family sit together. But Mom got instantly worried. She was afraid of the Child being traumatized or - knowing her - somehow kidnapped off the plane. Then she asked me what I was doing this week. And I told her: belly dance class tonight ("Belly dance?" she repeated, her voice going tense again), gym on Tuesday, museum with the ex-boyfriend on Wednesday, "King Arthur" with the god-daughter Thursday, the gym on Friday, and game on Saturday.
"So. . ." she said, "you have something three nights a week: this belly dancing class and the gym." And I knew from the tone of her voice, what she had said about the situation with the SO last week, and what she wasn't saying in that moment, that she was upset because I was going out three nights a week instead of being home with my daughter. Which meant that it was the SO instead of me who was going to be doing the mom-job (in her mind). What she said to me was, "I thought we would have you over for dinner one night this week, but evidently you already have a lot going on." There was an atypical edge in her voice, a rebuke -- and my mom is not usually one for guilt trips.
She hung up quickly after that, leaving me with an unpleasant feeling of resentment in my stomach. I am getting strong signals that she doesn't approve of any part of the situation with the Ex's SO, and it's bad enough that I'm not going to be around three evenings a week, but that I'm doing something as scandalous as belly dancing is like salt in a wound for her. Add to that the appearance of an ex-boyfriend. . .
I usually have a great relationship with both of my parents, which makes this even more uncomfortable. If this were par for the course I could just shrug or curse and get on with things. But this is not what either she or I is used to. Unfortunately, our family is not very good at dealing with strong negative feelings with each other. They tend to get buried or come out in a rush of intense hurt. I'm hoping that she'll talk with Dad, and he will be able to help -- but it's entirely possible he'll be matching her mood in this. I honestly don't know.
I suppose I'll have to talk with her about it sometime soon. I want to give her a couple of days to process it before I do, however. Who me? Practice avoidance?
*sigh*
Being a mother is tough enough without having to clash with my own mother about how to do it. She and I are different species, but that hasn't been an issue for a long time. Which makes this even more upsetting to me. I had hoped we were through with certain issues.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-07-27 09:49 am (UTC)You know this sound very much like my mother. She says many of the same things to me. I love my mother very dearly but some times she really gets on my nerves. I my case my mother is the the one for guilt trips.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-07-27 10:52 am (UTC)sounds like your mom is threatened by some of the changes she senses in your life. maybe she's afraid you or your daughter will grow apart from her?
(no subject)
Date: 2004-07-27 05:12 pm (UTC)