qos | Important Realizations About Challenge

I was driving home from my weight training session this evening when I realized something important: I feel better after a weight lifting workout than I do after a massage.

Don't get me wrong. There's a time and place for a good, long, luxurious massage. I love 'em. But -- objectively -- I feel better on a deep, holistic level after a tough workout than I do after a massage.

This important realization takes on even greater significance in light of the conversation I had with my manager this morning. I'm extremely fortunate to be working for yet another boss who honestly cares about me as a person. We had a frank discussion about the challenges I've faced over the past few weeks (not all the details, but yes I did tell her that I'd found out the prospect of breast cancer was less scary than that of continuing my day job). She was equally frank about some things she's been through recently.

Then we discussed my job duties and my satisfaction and she made a great observation: that only one of my goals this past quarter had been anything near a stretch goal, and that if I'm going to be happy in my job I'm going to need to be constantly challenged and stretched.

Weird. . . Typing it here, I realize that -- doh! -- this is what I've known for a long time. But my manager made it a goal in itself, not a hit-or-miss consequence of basic job duties. She actually said, when reviewing my goals for the last quarter, "I was looking at your goals and thought 'Damn! These didn't serve QoS at all!'" (And how many managers in big companies ask if the goals serve their employee as well as the company???)

She also pointed out that my strength is in strategic thinking, not tactical execution, and we need to focus on improving my skills there -- which of course should be another doh! moment. That's what I've been strugging with in growing my vocational practice. But I'd never really applied it to my day job before, probably because being and admin is all about tactics and execution, and I was very good at it. But that stuff was simple and mostly repetitive. Coming up with new tactics to execute a strategy that carries some risk with it -- risk of failure, risk of prominence, risk of repercussions -- is very, very difficult for me.

Tactics and execution is also an issue in my private priestess work: I get the big ideas, make the connections, but have a hard time doing the specific tasks that ground it in this world and grow my skills.

The great thing about my manager is that when she brings up "opportunities" for development she presents them not as weaknesses I need to be ashamed of and work hard to overcome, but exciting challenges to rise to.

Which brings me to the bottom line this evening: I've said repeatedly, "I need more challenge in my life" -- but I hadn't really recognized that it's not just about objective, external achievements, it's vital to my mental and spiritual well-being. Fortunately, my manager is engaged in helping me be more challenged at work, I'm going to be working out with a trainer on a regular basis, and I'm having my first therapy appointment this Thursday, which hopefully will help me address whatever mental blocks have been interfering in my ability to execute when I'm not under specific orders to produce something.

I feel really, really good.

Please note the mood on this entry.
I can't remember the last time I selected "Happy."