Authenticity About Work/The Work

[qos]

Now that I’m bootstrapping my way back into a social life and meeting new people I’ve had the issue of vocational authenticity brought home in a new way.

What should I say when someone asks me, “What do you do for a living?” – with the “for a living” being explicit or implied?

I hate identifying myself with my day job. It is how I earn a paycheck and support myself and Wolfling, but other than that it says nothing about me except that I spent the greater portion of my life not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up and choosing safe, low-expectation jobs rather than take risks.

What I am is a spiritual director for people outside of traditional faith paths. What I am is a teacher (and a priestess -- but that's not something I'm going to bring up in most initial conversations). However, the fact is that I have only one spiritual direction client and have taught only one class. I’m working in a concentrated way on acquiring more clients and creating and teaching more classes, but I’m hardly “established” in my vocation. But it is the more interesting and significant answer to the question “What do you do?”

I usually say, “I have a day job at ____, but I’m working on building my practice as a spiritual director and teacher. . . .” and steer the question toward the spiritual director part. But I feel like I am undercutting my vocation when I talk about the day job first.

Hmmm. . . . Maybe the best option for both honesty and authenticity is to reverse my usual answer, putting the emphasis on my vocation: “I’m building a practice as a spiritual director for people outside of traditional faith communities – and while I’m doing that, I’m supporting myself with a program management job at ___.” (Hooray for new job titles! Not an admin!) I prioritize my vocational work while being honest about the fact that I can't support myself doing it. Yet.

Your thoughts?

Comments

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I like your reversed answer, because it demonstrates your passion for who you are and your initiative in building a career that reflects that passion, while also showing your willingness to hold down another job in order to support yourself and your child. There are a lot of people who say, "I am a [insert wished-for career here]," and are not doing anything to support themselves in the meantime, a fact which only comes out once you know them better and are horrified at the shambles the rest of their lives are in.

[erl-queen.livejournal.com]

I encounter the same problem. Assuming I can talk to the person in question at all about what I really do, I usually say the day job part first, but in a fairly quick, dismissive way - "well, what I do for money is work as an administrative assistant, but what I *really* do is ________" and then launch into something much more detailed and descriptive. But it all depends on the situation. Some people obviously only care about what you do for your day job, other people are much more interested in what your passion is. For me, those two things will probably never be the same, so I'm learning to deal.

[blessed-harlot.livejournal.com]

Yes, my first thought was giving "I’m working on building my practice as a spiritual director and teacher" priority, with or without a mention of there being a day job after that. Elaborating at all on what the day job is would also be optional, though it sounds like it's gotten more fulfilling recently, so using the title might have its perks.

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

Yes, this.

Especially if you would rather talk about the spiritual director/teacher role, the "working on building" phrase is excellent.

Oh, BTW (I know you know this) there is nothing wrong with keeping body and soul together in whatever way has worked for you. It is not less than, or bad in any way. To quote Oriah, you do what you need to do to feed the children. Anyone who would judge you for your day job and not admire that you are reaching for your dream vocation isn't someone you'd let into your inner sanctum anyway.

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

But hon, all those answers are not who you are, what you are, they are *all * what you do, some of which you connect with more and identify with more than others.
Answering the question "for a living" is just answering what you do for money. It doesn't have to mean any more than that. It's a fair question, really. It tells a person a bit about what your life is like.
I wonder if you could inject some of your vocation into your job work?
I was just reading this book by Marianne Williamson, and she talked about bringing love into the world through whatever we do, no matter what we do, treating each place as if it was a church (or a temple). Perhaps you can consider priestessing from wherever you find yourself.
There's no shame in not making money doing what you feel called to do. And there's certainly no shame in making money in a way that says very little about where your heart is. Least you're paying your way. :) And for whatever reason you are where you are. There just might be a sacred purpose to that fact. You're here, now. Can you serve from here, now?
:)

[punzel.livejournal.com]

Heck, one could argue either way about whether it's good to say what's in your heart first or to say it second as the intro to the juicy part you're about to share. Your passion about it will show. And there's only so much you can do when people are too inattentive or uncomfortable to notice what you're sparked about.

I'm in the same boat with my vocation and avocation. My "day job" in theory is supposed to support me in having time and money to pursue what I'm most passionate about, but in practice I too have found my time for what I love to do most to be limited.

I hope we cross paths someday!

[sharpchick.livejournal.com]

I have a tendency to mess with their heads a little.

I'm a widely eclectic mix of things. I tell them about my passions, and then ask, "Are you asking me about my finances or what I stand for?"

[qos.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Those are great observations.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Anyone who would judge you for your day job and not admire that you are reaching for your dream vocation isn't someone you'd let into your inner sanctum anyway.

This was especially helpful. Thank you.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Believe me: I've been trying to remain open to opportunities to express my vocation at work, but that hasn't been very fruitful. Listening to others' spiritual journeys and teaching about spirituality isn't easy to do at the workplace.

Of course, I do exercise my ability to be an attentive, compassionate and "safe" listener in this office, even though fewer people take me up on that since I'm not in my old role.

[qos.livejournal.com]

Are you asking me about my finances or what I stand for?"

That's a great answer!

[labelleizzy.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome.

Glad to be helpful to one whose posts sometimes could have come from my own fingers on keyboard... and often more clearly-explained.

Perhaps a better response to "What do you do for a living?" would be...

[jorrocks-j.livejournal.com]

"You know...I haven't the slightest idea. It's indoors and it doesn't involve heavy lifting, and they pay me for it every two weeks so I think I'll go on doing it.

"Now, when I KNOW what I'm doing, it usually involves..."

But Goode friend, for Iesu's sake forebear... to say anything like:

it says nothing about me except that I spent the greater portion of my life not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up and choosing safe, low-expectation jobs rather than take risks.

That tells people rather a lot about you, actually. Too much, and of the wrong stuff. Never open an acquaintance with a confession of weakness or failure. It only attracts the predatory, and drives away the generous (who will see in it, rightly or wrongly, a chronically needy personality).

--Skarl the Drummer

Re: Perhaps a better response to "What do you do for a living?" would be...

[qos.livejournal.com]

That tells people rather a lot about you, actually. Too much, and of the wrong stuff. <\i>

Believe me, I would never say that in this context!

That's simply a reflection -- to my friends here on LJ -- of what I know/feel when I talk about the day job.

[dorjejaguar.livejournal.com]

:) Cool.