Jury Duty / Meeting a Shadow

[qos]

This morning I was #3 of the first jury pool called. The voir dire seemed to be very long, and -- especially compared to my experience last year -- seemed focused more on getting prospective jurors to reflect on the role and expectation of a juror than on revealing prejudices and biases that were related to the case. I was also surprised at how many of the questions were addressed to the 24 people who were not in the jury box -- those there to fill in the holes if/when some of the first twelve were excused.

I only had one question addressed to me directly, and volunteered info once about past jury experience. In the end, I was excused on a preremptory challenge by the defense. Afterward, one fellow juror said, "You were obviously too smart." That's when I remembered royalbananafish's caution to me last year that that's what would probably happen. I go back tomorrow morning for another round of jury pool draws and perhaps another voir dire.


Juror #6 was a young woman in her twenties. She had fair skin and long, red-gold hair pulled back in a simple clasp. She wore a purplish dress that looked like it was made out of a single, seamless piece of wool, and had a bright, large Thor's hammer on a cord around her neck. At first I was drawn to her, sensing a kindred spirit -- but a very short time later I was irritated.

She is a smart, confident person -- but she kept trying to give other people directions and being wrong. Her errors were understandable, since the bailiff's directions were convoluted and we were in a large room with lousy acoustics, but in pretty much every case she tried to direct others about what to do, she was wrong.

Then, in the courtroom, she acted like a stereotypical class show-off: not just answering the questions directed to her, or the general questions, but questions directed at other people as well, not giving them a chance to respond. She started side conversations and was once told by the judge to be quiet. Before we were halfway through the voir dire I was hoping she would be excused. Before we were done I was fairly certain she would be, because I could not imagine either of the attorneys wanting someone on the jury who was that convinced of her own rightness and importance. And I was right. She was the first to be excused with a preremptory challenge.

During this time, I was also reflecting on my reactions, very conscious of the fact that the things she was doing were the things I've been adjusting my own behavior to avoid since elementary school. (Not that I'm never guilty of them myself, mind you -- but I do strive to avoid them.) I try very hard to not speak up "too often" and dominate a discussion, and I try to be very sure that I'm right before giving directions to others, especially when I'm not officially a leader.

But at the same time I was reflecting on my own conscious decisions not to behave as Juror #6 did, I was preparing myself to go toe-to-toe with her in the jury room during deliberations, expecting her to try to dominate the discussion and be as much in error about the facts of the case or the instructions about the law as she had been about her understanding of the bailiff's directions. In a very real way I viewed her as an unruly upstart, and I was the Queen who was going to put her in her place if she didn't start behaving with more discretion.

And I find myself wondering which of us, in general, is more successful in our social and professional lives. How much do I or have I lost out on because I was unwilling to stand out more, to risk irritating others by being more assertive in expressing my thoughts and opinions, and how much does she lose out on because she drives people nuts and they shut her down or out? I'll never know. But it was fascinating to observe her and feel so keenly that we were indeed kindred spirits, but had come to different decisions about how to express ourselves.

Comments

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

Fascinating.

Fascinating?

[qos.livejournal.com]

Care to elaborate on that?

Re: Fascinating?

[9thmoon.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I wanted to, but I was so tired last night. =)

Fascinating that you think through these scenarios and try to learn from them. I do this, too, but not as successfully, and most often only about negative interactions. Do you think about those, as well?

Re: Fascinating?

[qos.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do. I try to be self-aware, and I try especially to be aware when I'm irritated by something someone else is doing that I do myself. I put a lot of time and effort into trying to understand the roots of my ongoing tension with my counterpart at work, and why, despite both our best efforts, we simply do not get along. And then I tried to implement some of my insights. It made my own stress decrease, but it didn't solve the issue, unfortunately.