Monday Morning
Mar. 8th, 2004 07:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosDespite some serious procrastination (I ended up reading all of Seduced by Moonlight over the weekend -- too bad it wasn't a better book) I finished my paper for Christology class Sunday early evening, so I can mail it in today.
One of the reasons I had time for both the paper and serious procrastination was that I bailed on my special weekend seminar with "Great Theologian" C.S. Song. (I put it in quotes because that's the name of the series.) Unfortunately, while Dr. Song may be making some important contributions to modern theology - his area of expertise is story theology - he is, in my not so humble opinion, a poor lecturer. I went to his Friday night public lecture and was disappointed. Saturday morning's class was supposed to be three hours about "Basic Assumptions of Story Theology." We got maybe thirty minutes of that. The rest was rambling on story theology in general and some critiques of traditional theology. I was restless in my seat all morning. When we broke for lunch, I didn't come back. I was marked on the roster as present that morning. I may or may not get Credit for the seminar. But a No Credit doesn't show up on the GPA, and I'm too tired and concerned about other things to care much one way or the other.
Frankly, I didn't find his theses all that original. A lot of it sounded like good old narrative criticism, and the rest of it was familiar to me from my days as a student of theater. For example: story changes when it comes to a new teller, or to a new audience. Yes, this has real relevance for theology, and especially for fledgling pastors, but it wasn't worth my entire day. Not the way he was presenting it. Not with the schedule I have right now.
I slept in on Sunday, worked some more on my paper, and then went to the church board meeting. When I arrived at the metaphysical store where our pastor has his office (we don't have a building of our own), I saw my name prominently displayed on a flier advertising the Grail Mass I will be doing this Wednesday for our weekly spirituality evening. Ordinarily, I like publicity. Since I'm all too aware of how much prep I need to do between now and Wednesday night, publicity was not what I wanted. I fear not doing well, and would prefer to fall on my face before a small audience rather than a large one. But, on further reflection, the more people who are there, the more energy there will be and the more participants to share the ritual parts. The more the better.
The board meeting was dynamic and we came to some important agreements about the Sunday School program we've been struggling over. We're going to dismiss our consultants, who have put together a primarily shamanic program, and continue on our own. We will invite them back to teach when we want to do a session exploring that tradition, but we don't want them in charge of our entire program.
I kept fairly quiet during the discussion. People were expressing themselves well, and covering the issues thoroughly. I mostly stayed out of the way and then made sure we had a formal consensus before we ended. It was an interesting sensation to sit and listen, feeling the tension of "I should be doing more," but realizing that no one needed me to do anything at that time. My trying to exert more control over the discussion in any way would have been totally counterproductive. I said the one or two things I felt strongly about, and then let the others carry it.
But after an intense 90 minute discussion with seven other people in a small space, I was so tired that I could not muster the energy to drive 20 minutes to church, attend service, socialize, and then drive 40 minutes home. The paper was still calling to me - as was the thought of my daughter, who I have been seeing all too little of this past week. So I drove home feeling guilty - not to God for skipping church, but to the people of the church. I'm the board president, and I've been missing a lot of Sundays. But it's so hard to get there when the drive is 40+ minutes each way.
So I was close to tears driving home from the meeting, feeling overwhelmed by everything, but then, while going through the list in my head, I realized that everything that's stressing me out right now are really wonderful things, all things that are important to me and that I'm doing by choice. I'm tired and stressed out, but it's because I took on too many things I love. That brightened my mood for a while, but the fatigue has come back, and I'm still stressed.
I need to prepare for the worship committee meeting Tuesday night, read the lengthy assignment and complete my Swedenborgian exegesis assignment for the week (to be posted by Wednesday at 11am, which means done by Tuesday night), prepare for Wednesday night's Grail Mass (memorizing the key texts and making sure all my tools are ready), write a statement on my current status as a candidate for ordination to send to the chair of the Committee on Admittance to the Ministry to explain what's going on with me and why I'm not planning to fly to Berkely next week. . . I think that's all for the moment, but that's a lot. Especially the Grail Mass. I want it to be beautiful and meaningful for the participants and honoring of God/dess, and right now I'm afraid I'm not going to do justice to anyone.
One of the reasons I had time for both the paper and serious procrastination was that I bailed on my special weekend seminar with "Great Theologian" C.S. Song. (I put it in quotes because that's the name of the series.) Unfortunately, while Dr. Song may be making some important contributions to modern theology - his area of expertise is story theology - he is, in my not so humble opinion, a poor lecturer. I went to his Friday night public lecture and was disappointed. Saturday morning's class was supposed to be three hours about "Basic Assumptions of Story Theology." We got maybe thirty minutes of that. The rest was rambling on story theology in general and some critiques of traditional theology. I was restless in my seat all morning. When we broke for lunch, I didn't come back. I was marked on the roster as present that morning. I may or may not get Credit for the seminar. But a No Credit doesn't show up on the GPA, and I'm too tired and concerned about other things to care much one way or the other.
Frankly, I didn't find his theses all that original. A lot of it sounded like good old narrative criticism, and the rest of it was familiar to me from my days as a student of theater. For example: story changes when it comes to a new teller, or to a new audience. Yes, this has real relevance for theology, and especially for fledgling pastors, but it wasn't worth my entire day. Not the way he was presenting it. Not with the schedule I have right now.
I slept in on Sunday, worked some more on my paper, and then went to the church board meeting. When I arrived at the metaphysical store where our pastor has his office (we don't have a building of our own), I saw my name prominently displayed on a flier advertising the Grail Mass I will be doing this Wednesday for our weekly spirituality evening. Ordinarily, I like publicity. Since I'm all too aware of how much prep I need to do between now and Wednesday night, publicity was not what I wanted. I fear not doing well, and would prefer to fall on my face before a small audience rather than a large one. But, on further reflection, the more people who are there, the more energy there will be and the more participants to share the ritual parts. The more the better.
The board meeting was dynamic and we came to some important agreements about the Sunday School program we've been struggling over. We're going to dismiss our consultants, who have put together a primarily shamanic program, and continue on our own. We will invite them back to teach when we want to do a session exploring that tradition, but we don't want them in charge of our entire program.
I kept fairly quiet during the discussion. People were expressing themselves well, and covering the issues thoroughly. I mostly stayed out of the way and then made sure we had a formal consensus before we ended. It was an interesting sensation to sit and listen, feeling the tension of "I should be doing more," but realizing that no one needed me to do anything at that time. My trying to exert more control over the discussion in any way would have been totally counterproductive. I said the one or two things I felt strongly about, and then let the others carry it.
But after an intense 90 minute discussion with seven other people in a small space, I was so tired that I could not muster the energy to drive 20 minutes to church, attend service, socialize, and then drive 40 minutes home. The paper was still calling to me - as was the thought of my daughter, who I have been seeing all too little of this past week. So I drove home feeling guilty - not to God for skipping church, but to the people of the church. I'm the board president, and I've been missing a lot of Sundays. But it's so hard to get there when the drive is 40+ minutes each way.
So I was close to tears driving home from the meeting, feeling overwhelmed by everything, but then, while going through the list in my head, I realized that everything that's stressing me out right now are really wonderful things, all things that are important to me and that I'm doing by choice. I'm tired and stressed out, but it's because I took on too many things I love. That brightened my mood for a while, but the fatigue has come back, and I'm still stressed.
I need to prepare for the worship committee meeting Tuesday night, read the lengthy assignment and complete my Swedenborgian exegesis assignment for the week (to be posted by Wednesday at 11am, which means done by Tuesday night), prepare for Wednesday night's Grail Mass (memorizing the key texts and making sure all my tools are ready), write a statement on my current status as a candidate for ordination to send to the chair of the Committee on Admittance to the Ministry to explain what's going on with me and why I'm not planning to fly to Berkely next week. . . I think that's all for the moment, but that's a lot. Especially the Grail Mass. I want it to be beautiful and meaningful for the participants and honoring of God/dess, and right now I'm afraid I'm not going to do justice to anyone.
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Date: 2004-03-08 09:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-08 09:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-10 08:53 am (UTC)