Suspicious Timing. Again.

Yesterday I received a Facebook invitation from the ex-lover (RP) with whom I have the most unresolved business. Our past relationship was extremely volatile, and our tentative can-we-spend-time-together-again? interval several years ago started with a lot of kissing the first time we found ourselves alone and ended with me not responding to the last email I had from him because I felt that he was ignoring the concerns I had been expressing.

Then there's the matter of probable old business from at least one previous life, and possibly more, given that it's quite possible that his roots go back to the same place/time that LM and I do. In fact, he's someone I'd wished LM had met during his life, so I could check out that hypothesis more thoroughly -- but RP and I were not speaking at that time.

As I've said, Sunday was the anniversary of LM's death, and the processing around that also resulted in the processing of my grief about Michael, and releasing a lot of the pain I've been carrying around (and in denial about). Yesterday we were on chat together and he didn't mention the email I sent him, but we did spend about an hour 'talking' and having a good conversation otherwise. Of course, it was 2am for him when we started, so he might have been too strung out mentally to compose a good response -- or he may not feel like it needs a response. Part of my letting go of him is being surprisingly okay with the latter.

The email notification of RP's Facebook friends request came through just as Michael and I were finishing the chat. We're currently discussing where to have lunch next week.

I have no interest in or desire for a romantic relationship with RP -- but I have missed his friendship. He earned the same graduate degree I did from the same program, and his spiritual path is more resonant with mine than anyone else that I know locally. If we can be friends without triggering spontaneous mutual combustion, it would be A Good Thing. Or maybe it would be A Good Thing for me to fully release him as well. I don't know yet. But it feels like there is a lot of "stuff" that we haven't worked through yet that needs to be resolved.

I have the distinct sense that Someone has a clipboard with a list of unfinished business and tests with my name on them, and that She just checked off the one that says "Michael" and then gave RP a poke in my direction.

Let's See How Many Edges I Can Push in One Event

On Thursday, I am scheduled to go to a "turquoise tribe" networking event at my most sacred spot on my sacred island. The man who conceived of and developed the sanctuary is going to give us a tour, we'll all talk and share what we do, have be a little affirmation ritual, and then a potluck picnic lunch.

Just typing that almost made me break out in hives. The last bit, anyway.

* * * * *

I just deleted an entire entry because I could not stomach the whinge-y stuff coming out of my keyboard.

At least I faced it and exposed it for the ridiculousness it was, even if I decided to spare the rest of you the experience.

Tomorrow morning I am going to pack up my double-batch of _storyteller_'s chicken-cheese-crescent-rolls (guaranteed to win favor at any buffet or potluck), get my ass on the ferry, and do some actual networking with people whose businesses complement my own. And if the group experience falls short of what I would have preferred, I can always enjoy myself *by myself* when it's over.

Besides, I realized earlier this evening that there's something I need to leave at the dolman in blessing and release.