Pentacles-Focused Morning (despite the Sword icon)

The last couple of nights I've gone to bed at about the usual time, had somewhat broken sleep, and woke up around 7:20am -- two hours later than what I've been setting my alarm for. It makes me wonder how much my mood and my performance throughout my life have been impacted by not getting enough sleep these past few years.

Today I'm going back into the office for the first time in about a week -- but only because I have a lunch date! But being there will probably make it easier to focus on the job search. I need to find more leads. I applied for an admin job at Amazon yesterday -- not my ideal, but another possibility.

Wolfling was sick yesterday, which put a crimp in packing. I'm leaving her home alone today with directions to start boxing things up -- or at least to get her room into the kind of condition where she'll feel comfortable having Grandmommy there to help her.

Still need to get the table onto Craig's List. I went to take photos last night and found the battery in my camera was dead. It's recharged now.

The other task for today is to calibrate the pedometer I bought a couple of months ago and never actually started using -- assuming it still has batteries with it. If I'm going to track my miles to Rivendell, I'm going to need a measuring tool.

I haven't decided yet if I'm going to count all walking as Middle Earth Miles or just walking I do that's dedicated to that task. Doing the former would certainly get me there faster, but I'm not sure if it would be as emotionally satisfying.

Time to log off and get going!

*points to icon

Dear Local Weather Deities:

I know it's April 1st, but sending snow more than a week after the beginning of Spring is not funny!

Realization

I don't know. . . Maybe I've thought of this before, but tonight it feels intense and new.

It's important to me to meet challenges and overcome them with optimism and determination. I've been laid off -- I can find a new job. My apartment is too expensive -- I can move.

Death doesn't work like that. All my optimism and determination isn't going to "fix" it. The hole in my life is not going to be filled.

I can heal. I've been healing. But that's not the same thing as overcoming circumstance, or turning lemons into lemonade, or getting through to a solution.

My courage gets me through from day to day, but the passing days won't bring him back to me.

The wound heals. The loss can never be reversed or overcome.



I can use my priestess skills to draw closer to him in his current state, but they will never bring him back.