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Keeping My Obligation
Nov. 22nd, 2008 05:44 pmFor the last several months, some basic Ceremonial Magic practices have been part of my daily training routine. At first I experienced intense resistance to them, but my teacher kept gently insisting they were important. I could push back at her -- but when Ereshkigal put Her foot down, I didn't have any recourse.
I've worked my way through the overt resistance I started with, but still experience a lot of the more mundane I-have-other-things-to-do, I'm-tired, and etc. The absolute minimum requirement is that I must do at least one simple CM exercise per day, and one Middle Pillar per week -- but I understand that I should do more if I want to continue to make progress.
This has been a weird week, and I've been doing fewer exercises than usual. I've been distracted by a creative project, plus two after-work meetings I usually don't have, plus more focused time with my kid. It's a good thing I really looked at my pratice checklist today or I might not have realized that I haven't done a Middle Pillar all week.
About 30 minutes ago, I pulled dinner out of the oven and splashed a bit of vodka in my Diet Coke -- and then remembered that I hadn't done my Middle Pillar -- and that I couldn't do it once I'd consumed alcohol, until it had cleared my system. There wasn't another day to put it off. I had the "choice" of disobeying a direct order from Ereshkigal or changing my immediate plans.
I started this entry expecting to make a wry joke about not wanting to face the consequences of disobeying one of the original bitch goddesses -- but now that I'm here, it's not about that at all. Ereshkigal is my patron. I'm Her priestess. We have a sacred, oathed relationship. And part of that oath is that I do what She tells me to, for as long as I remain Her priestess. She doesn't issue many direct commands, and so far all of them have been about keeping up the practices that are necessary to continue my growth and deepen my skills. How am I supposed to begrudge that?
I did want to enjoy my drink with dinner, but I left that dinner on the stove, and the drink on the counter, and I stopped and I took the time to do the Middle Pillar -- and related exercises -- before I consumed anything.
And while I feel a bit ashamed of not having done a Middle Pillar before now, it feels good to honor the commitment and obligation I have to Her.
I've worked my way through the overt resistance I started with, but still experience a lot of the more mundane I-have-other-things-to-do, I'm-tired, and etc. The absolute minimum requirement is that I must do at least one simple CM exercise per day, and one Middle Pillar per week -- but I understand that I should do more if I want to continue to make progress.
This has been a weird week, and I've been doing fewer exercises than usual. I've been distracted by a creative project, plus two after-work meetings I usually don't have, plus more focused time with my kid. It's a good thing I really looked at my pratice checklist today or I might not have realized that I haven't done a Middle Pillar all week.
About 30 minutes ago, I pulled dinner out of the oven and splashed a bit of vodka in my Diet Coke -- and then remembered that I hadn't done my Middle Pillar -- and that I couldn't do it once I'd consumed alcohol, until it had cleared my system. There wasn't another day to put it off. I had the "choice" of disobeying a direct order from Ereshkigal or changing my immediate plans.
I started this entry expecting to make a wry joke about not wanting to face the consequences of disobeying one of the original bitch goddesses -- but now that I'm here, it's not about that at all. Ereshkigal is my patron. I'm Her priestess. We have a sacred, oathed relationship. And part of that oath is that I do what She tells me to, for as long as I remain Her priestess. She doesn't issue many direct commands, and so far all of them have been about keeping up the practices that are necessary to continue my growth and deepen my skills. How am I supposed to begrudge that?
I did want to enjoy my drink with dinner, but I left that dinner on the stove, and the drink on the counter, and I stopped and I took the time to do the Middle Pillar -- and related exercises -- before I consumed anything.
And while I feel a bit ashamed of not having done a Middle Pillar before now, it feels good to honor the commitment and obligation I have to Her.
