![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The Same Sad Story
Aug. 25th, 2008 03:08 pmI was reading an entry by a "friend" on one of my other journals. This person is an LJ acquaintance, not a personal friend, nor someone with whom I have developed a particular online rapport. She has been writing recently about her romantic-sexual relationship with a man who she loves and for whom she bends over backwards -- but he wants her to keep their relationship secret, not even allowing her to refer to herself as "in a relationship". He has another girl he's also involved with who seems to be trying to undermine LJFriend, and he simply waves it off.
I have no idea what the whole truth of the situation is -- but the observable fact is that LJFriend is miserable. She feels slighted, diminished, angry and frustrated -- and devoted to the jerk who makes her feel like dirt.
In her last entry, she reaffirmed that she felt this guy was her soulmate, but asked if it was possible to have a relationship broken up by "the little things."
I was one of several people who told her fairly bluntly that this guy was not treating her well and certainly did not sound like a soulmate, and that if the level of misery she was experiencing didn't improve quickly, she would be better off without him. Her response has been "I need to stick this out."
My first impulse was to comment again, trying to reinforce that "he just isn't into you" (to borrow the title of a book), but on reflection I decided that it simply wasn't worth it. However misguided I think she is, she's not interested in hearing any advice that advocates leaving him. She wants to be reassured that her loyalty and devotion will eventually be rewarded.
Honey, they won't.
Been there, done that, got too many t-shirts.
But all my experience doesn't mean a thing to her.
And why should it? I'm just a name on her f-list.
She'll learn her lesson and find some self-respect and a sense of self-preservation somewhere -- or she won't.
And there's not a damn thing I can do about it from here.
But it hurts to see yet another person throwing themselves away on a jerk who is content to take everything someone else has to offer while giving in return whatever crumbs they feel like tossing their way.
I have no idea what the whole truth of the situation is -- but the observable fact is that LJFriend is miserable. She feels slighted, diminished, angry and frustrated -- and devoted to the jerk who makes her feel like dirt.
In her last entry, she reaffirmed that she felt this guy was her soulmate, but asked if it was possible to have a relationship broken up by "the little things."
I was one of several people who told her fairly bluntly that this guy was not treating her well and certainly did not sound like a soulmate, and that if the level of misery she was experiencing didn't improve quickly, she would be better off without him. Her response has been "I need to stick this out."
My first impulse was to comment again, trying to reinforce that "he just isn't into you" (to borrow the title of a book), but on reflection I decided that it simply wasn't worth it. However misguided I think she is, she's not interested in hearing any advice that advocates leaving him. She wants to be reassured that her loyalty and devotion will eventually be rewarded.
Honey, they won't.
Been there, done that, got too many t-shirts.
But all my experience doesn't mean a thing to her.
And why should it? I'm just a name on her f-list.
She'll learn her lesson and find some self-respect and a sense of self-preservation somewhere -- or she won't.
And there's not a damn thing I can do about it from here.
But it hurts to see yet another person throwing themselves away on a jerk who is content to take everything someone else has to offer while giving in return whatever crumbs they feel like tossing their way.
