A Tribute to My Teacher

Two days after Lohain's death, I stood in the center of the labyrinth where we first met and mourned his passing. After the initial wave of tears and grief spent itself, I remembered a message of the cards which KN had drawn for me that morning, and silently asked whoever was listening what I should "be open to" in the midst of my terrible grief.

Initiation was the response, whispered by the wind in the trees.

I think I understood, on some level, even in that moment. Just as Lohain's appearance in my life had been the beginning of a profound change, so would be his death. I was changed, irrevocably changed, by his passing. I didn't know yet what that would mean for me apart from the grief, but the whisper in the wind hinted at something momentous, something unexpected.

The something was brought to me by someone: oakmouse, who had friended my journal only a few months previously.

In the aftermath of Lohain's death, she reached out to me to offer comfort and help in her role as priestess -- and we were both startled by how quickly a deep bond formed between us, and how much resonance there was between our paths, even if many of the specific details differed.

Within a month or two I officially became her student, and this last year of grief has also been a year of profound learning and growth spiritually. During this time we've spent countless hours on the phone and written hundreds of emails back and forth. She's been there when I was overwhelmed with grief, frightened, bored, or frustrated as well as when I've been excited, inspired, and laughing. She's helped me stretch my perspective and keep things in perspective; she's challenged me to grow and to trust myself and she's let me know when it would behoove me to heed the wisdom of the experience of others. And when I was frustrated by a class that fell far short of what it should have been, she cheerfully suggested that I submit a proposal to teach my own class at Pantheacon.

My life would be very different if Lohain were still alive today. But it also would have been very different if oakmouse had not reached out to me and offered her friendship and her wisdom. Because of her, my initiation of grief has also been an initiation of vocation, of becoming more than I was before.

oakmouse, my teacher, my friend, thank you for standing by me during this long and painful year. Thank you for all you have done to instruct and support and encourage and challenge me. You have made a profound difference in my life, and I am so very grateful.

Top Five Life Lessons List

I'm way behind on posting responses to memes, but I'm going to go out of order and start with this juicy one courtesy of a_belletrist:

Comment, and I will assign you a top 5 or top 10 list to provide. Top 10 favorite cheeses, top 5 reasons why Colossus is the greatest of the X-Men, whatever. Post it in your journal and others may comment and receive lists from you.

Her list for me: Top 5 Life Lessons You Learned From Other People

1. From my Dad: Human emotions move in cycles. When you're at the peak, remember that a valley will follow. When you're in a valley, know that if you hang on you'll come out the other side.
Interestingly enough, this lesson came in the context of a Sunday school lesson on the story of Elijah, who won a huge victory over the priests of Baal and then ran off into the wilderness and started crying and moaning about how terrible his life was. Dad's lesson wasn't exactly orthodox, but it's stuck with me all these years. Obviously this lesson doesn't hold true for people who are clinically depressed or have other chemical issues, but for me, for most of my life, it's been a valuable reminder when I'm feeling down.

2. From J Ranelli, my feared and respected directing professor: Sometimes you have to get in over your head to find out what you're capable of.
He made this observation during my "self critique" of my pseudo senior directing project in the department staff meeting. One of the other professors had asked me if I would recommend a project like mine to other students, and my response was, "I don't think I'd recommend someone else doing a full length play, with a twelve member cast, without the support of the department, while stage managing an un-cut production of Hamlet, as a first directing project." His laconic response has stuck with me.

3. From BM, my friend and boss at The Rocket Company: If you aren't making mistakes, you aren't growing.
This is closely related to the one above it, but being a perfectionist, it's been a hard lesson to learn. Still, because B pushed me to exceed my own expectations and get out of my comfort zone and didn't fuss about the mistakes I made as a consequence, he did more than anyone else to open me up to risk taking.

4. From RFD, my emotionally abusive ex-fiance: Saying "I love you" and not backing it up with your other words and actions on a day to day level makes the declaration meaningless.
Okay, so RFD didn't say that to me, but he sure as hell taught me the lesson.

5. From JW, my coach at work: People like you because you're different!
This one came to me just last week. We were talking about my feeling somewhat socially awkward at work, because I feel like I'm so different from everyone else, and thus not sure I really belong or fit in. His response was, in part, the words above. It's the strongest affirmation I've received of that kind in a business setting, and I'm doing my best to take it to heart.


And one more, just for fun, from Hob: Of course it's a trap! Relax and enjoy it!
A bit of gaming wisdom that I sometimes apply to real life when I'm taking things just a bit too seriously.

I Love This. . .

I love this series of photographs of a polar bear and husky playing together, and the caption on this just makes it all the more lovely.



see more dog pictures