Authority Milestone

I hit an important milestone of personal growth recently.

Another LJ member is teaching a class at Pantheacon on a topic very similar to mine. I've read her journal once or twice, but had decided that I wasn't going to read the book she's published until after the conference, because otherwise I'd end up second-guessing myself and worrying about being too close or too different from what she has to say.

But then I thought, Wait a minute! Why am I allowing her to be the standard? Why would I let myself see her that way?

Owning my own authority has been a long struggle -- one still not complete -- but this is a huge step forward.

The worth of what I have to say is in no way dependent on what other people have to say on the same topic. If all I can do is look to others for validation for my ideas, I don't have anything original to contribute, and so there's no point to my stepping forward. If I do have something original, then I shouldn't worry about making sure I'm in line with the thoughts of others. I should be clear about where I need to make a case for my opinions based on how well my ideas follow generally accepted wisdom, and about where I'm staking new territory.

It should be the new territory that's exciting and what makes me worth paying attention to, not how well I can rehash the safe ground that someone else is covering.

The Day Ahead

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. I'm still functional, and it's the busiest day of my week, and I'm running low on PTO, so I'm not going to stay home -- but I wish I didn't have to fight this.

I've applied for a job at my company as an editor and desktop publisher in the training group. It would be a good fit for my skills, get me out of the support role, and it's two job grades higher than my current role, which would mean a fairly good raise just to start.

This afternoon I'm meeting with my division's training lead -- the person who still hasn't posted the job which Dave started talking to me about last spring -- about my application. I know she likes me, and she would be a great ally to help highlight my resume if she's willing to do so. Besides, I felt it important to let her know I'm pursuing an opportunity in a related group after she and I have been talking about the one with her. She was very pleased to get my meeting request, and I'm looking forward to finding out what she has to say.

I have the language skill necessary for the editing job (not to mention the credits on my resume), but I don't have the publishing experience. I'm hoping that my ability to learn new tools quickly will count for a lot, but I have no idea what the competition is like.

Bleah

Throat worse.
Stomach unsettled.
$1,800 worth of repairs needed on my car.
Want man-cuddles, but no prospects within 20 miles.

However. . .

Have financial assets sufficient to my need.
Shower rod was fixed by apartment staff.
Wolfling wonderful, wants to take care of me.

Great conversation with L&D director, in which she volunteered to bring me to the attention of the hiring manager for the position I want and said that she'd heard nothing but great things about me since she joined the division. Desired position pay range starts several thousand dollars above the top of my current grade.

I really want the job.