Jan. 9th, 2008
Defining Home
Jan. 9th, 2008 06:04 pmA friend just wrote to me, I am still figuring out what home means. It got me thinking.
When I was growing up, "home" meant several things: the place I was from, the security of my family, the safe place where my stuff was. I was fortunate to be raised in an atmosphere where home truly was a safe place, on all levels. Leaving home was something that I looked forward to, but turned out to be a bigger challenge than I'd expected, since I'd always taken my safety and belonging for granted.
Now. . . "home" still has multiple meanings, some emotional, some practical.
First and foremost, home is where I live, where my stuff is. Home is also where I have a significant degree of control over my environment. If all my stuff was in a house where someone else had too much influence for my comfort, it would not be Home, it would just be where I was living. This was actually something of a tension during my marriage, since I didn't have the degree of control over my environment that I wanted, and I often didn't like my husband's stuff or how he wanted to control (or not control) our boundaries. The only space I felt was truly mine was my office, which was too small. But it was mine.
I'm territorial and I like my privacy. It makes cohabitating with another grown-up problematic.
But that said. . . The Old Place felt more like Home when L&L were with me as partners. They lived somewhere else, but there was something about the partnership energy they brought to my residence, the family chemistry that developed, that made the place more home-like. And, as I wrote to my friend earlier today, my new place is far more beautiful and comfortable than the old one, but without my partners here, even on a part-time basis, it feels less like Home.
My Home is my castle. It's my safe place, my sanctuary. It's where I am sovereign. It's where my best beloveds are with me.
I am keenly aware that I haven't written anything about Wolfling so far. I've found that she transcends Home. She is my blood and family in a way no one else is. The house is emptier when she's not here, feels lonely. . . but it doesn't impact the overall Home-ness of the place. I don't understand it, but that's the way it is.
When I was growing up, "home" meant several things: the place I was from, the security of my family, the safe place where my stuff was. I was fortunate to be raised in an atmosphere where home truly was a safe place, on all levels. Leaving home was something that I looked forward to, but turned out to be a bigger challenge than I'd expected, since I'd always taken my safety and belonging for granted.
Now. . . "home" still has multiple meanings, some emotional, some practical.
First and foremost, home is where I live, where my stuff is. Home is also where I have a significant degree of control over my environment. If all my stuff was in a house where someone else had too much influence for my comfort, it would not be Home, it would just be where I was living. This was actually something of a tension during my marriage, since I didn't have the degree of control over my environment that I wanted, and I often didn't like my husband's stuff or how he wanted to control (or not control) our boundaries. The only space I felt was truly mine was my office, which was too small. But it was mine.
I'm territorial and I like my privacy. It makes cohabitating with another grown-up problematic.
But that said. . . The Old Place felt more like Home when L&L were with me as partners. They lived somewhere else, but there was something about the partnership energy they brought to my residence, the family chemistry that developed, that made the place more home-like. And, as I wrote to my friend earlier today, my new place is far more beautiful and comfortable than the old one, but without my partners here, even on a part-time basis, it feels less like Home.
My Home is my castle. It's my safe place, my sanctuary. It's where I am sovereign. It's where my best beloveds are with me.
I am keenly aware that I haven't written anything about Wolfling so far. I've found that she transcends Home. She is my blood and family in a way no one else is. The house is emptier when she's not here, feels lonely. . . but it doesn't impact the overall Home-ness of the place. I don't understand it, but that's the way it is.