Jan. 9th, 2008

qos: (Default)
On the last day of the "Watcher on the Threshold" phase, I did the deepest meditation I had in weeks. During most of this time, I had been too distracted and/or distant -- or too frightened of what I might encounter -- to go inward to any significant degree. Facing the inner darkness was important.

I was so deep that I began to feel as if my spirit might be able to leave my body. This happens sometimes, but usually all that happens is that I feel part of my energy rise a little above and beyond certain parts of my body. I've tried to slip free to do astral travel, but it's never worked.

This time there was a difference. I've been wanting to recover past life memories, something I've only done once before -- and that had been initiated and protected by LM in a very intense intimate situation.

Sitting there alone in my rocking chair, I used the sense of my energy being free of my body to take myself even further inward. Eventually it felt as if I was swimming in a kind of in-between place. I shaped the intention of moving backward in time, and created a deliberate swimming motion to reinforce it.

Eventually I saw a large round copper or bronze brooch, the kind used to fasten a cloak. I focused on the brooch and tried to let the surrounding details surface. It seemed to work. Eventually I saw myself looking down at the brooch as it held a length of heavy maroon cloth around my shoulders. Then I saw the man who had given it to me as a courtship gift, and his smiling explanation that now I would be able to have my hands free instead of needing to hold my cloak in place. I had the impression that my family was not well off, and we would never have had the money for even a simple ornament like this one. We walked together. He asked if I would marry him, and I said yes. Then I saw him asking my father's permission. My father was confused. Why would a man of his stature want to marry his daughter, who had so little to bring him? His answer is something I'm keeping private.

The events are so romantic it's easy to doubt they are an actual memory. Or maybe some is real and some not. But when it was time to come back, it was very hard to pull out of the vision. Usually I can snap out of things, but I had to exert a considerable amount of will to pull free from wherever I was, and it was hard to swim back to the present. I had to call on my inner gatekeeper for help, and he closed the door very quickly behind me. There was no sense of threat, just inertia.

Authentic past life memory?
Unproven.
But a fascinating experience, and -- as LM used to say -- "It's a good story."
qos: (Default)
Today's "Note from the Universe"

Caveofstars, a goal or a dream that doesn't challenge the dreamer to become more than they've ever been, to go where they've never gone, or to feel things they've never felt, is actually like wishing for a giant "life snooze button."

Tacky.

To the hills,
The Universe



(Notes from the Universe are an every week day email available from www.tut.com)


And this is the prediction for the year for Sagittarius, courtesy of the We'Moon 2008 calendar:

If born under a Sagittarius sun, your purpose is to speak truth. Your challenge is to do so with compassion and practical follow-through. Curiosity of mind and body may lead you on a lifetime's journey; you open minds, talk to strangers, explore distant lands and teach us to laugh at ourselves along the way.

Sounds a lot like the path I'm on. "Practical follow through" has always been a challenge for me, but I feel like I'm starting to have the courage and ambition to dare to make things happen instead of just dreaming about them. I certainly keep getting the "speak the truth" message -- and the "curiosity of mind and body" is exactly what my Pantheacon class is about.

Promotion!

Jan. 9th, 2008 10:13 am
qos: (Alleged QoS)
I am currently listed on my company's internal website as the VP of my division.


I knew there was a huge re-org going on, but this was an unexpected development!
qos: (Castle Gaze)
A friend just wrote to me, I am still figuring out what home means. It got me thinking.

When I was growing up, "home" meant several things: the place I was from, the security of my family, the safe place where my stuff was. I was fortunate to be raised in an atmosphere where home truly was a safe place, on all levels. Leaving home was something that I looked forward to, but turned out to be a bigger challenge than I'd expected, since I'd always taken my safety and belonging for granted.

Now. . . "home" still has multiple meanings, some emotional, some practical.

First and foremost, home is where I live, where my stuff is. Home is also where I have a significant degree of control over my environment. If all my stuff was in a house where someone else had too much influence for my comfort, it would not be Home, it would just be where I was living. This was actually something of a tension during my marriage, since I didn't have the degree of control over my environment that I wanted, and I often didn't like my husband's stuff or how he wanted to control (or not control) our boundaries. The only space I felt was truly mine was my office, which was too small. But it was mine.

I'm territorial and I like my privacy. It makes cohabitating with another grown-up problematic.

But that said. . . The Old Place felt more like Home when L&L were with me as partners. They lived somewhere else, but there was something about the partnership energy they brought to my residence, the family chemistry that developed, that made the place more home-like. And, as I wrote to my friend earlier today, my new place is far more beautiful and comfortable than the old one, but without my partners here, even on a part-time basis, it feels less like Home.

My Home is my castle. It's my safe place, my sanctuary. It's where I am sovereign. It's where my best beloveds are with me.

I am keenly aware that I haven't written anything about Wolfling so far. I've found that she transcends Home. She is my blood and family in a way no one else is. The house is emptier when she's not here, feels lonely. . . but it doesn't impact the overall Home-ness of the place. I don't understand it, but that's the way it is.
qos: (Elphaba Writing  by elphie_chan)
The company's internal site has been updated to correct the error that listed me as the leader of a multi-million dollar division and my boss's boss.

But it was fun while it lasted.
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