Another Step

Just wanted to record that I had my "practical" meeting with my spiritual director today. Instead of talking about my personal spiritual life, we talked about business licenses and record keeping and networking and referrals.

He said that because he's got as many clients as he can handle now that it's entirely possible that he'll be referring prospective directees to me in the future.

*wow!*

And I returned my draft brochure for edits this morning.


One foot in front of the other. . . .

The Pain of Healing

I only cry once a week or so now.

I tell myself not that that's not a good thing or a bad thing, it's normal.
Time passes.
Healing occurs.

Except I want to keep ripping the scab off, feel the blood flowing again, keep the wound fresh.

How can I possibly feel "okay" most of the time when he is not here?

It's normal.
It's healthy.

How can I not want to heal?

I never want to be "over it."

Maybe the mourning goes underground, like a deep and silent river. It's not always visible, but it's always there, always flowing. My love for him goes on. My desire to be with him goes on.

Maybe the mourning does pass and eventually only the love remains.

I don't know. This is unfamiliar territory.

Most days I'm fine.
Most days I am aware of his absence but I do not weep.
Most days I don't hurt.

Except when I do.