Gack - Moral Support Requested

Why is there an LJ entry from me at 10:17am when I can't post from work?
Because I'm at home.

I was up until after 2:30am with an exhausted daughter who couldn't sleep due to over-excitement about school starting today and a minor inflammation that I couldn't seem treat that had her in sufficient pain to keep her awake.

As the hours wore on, she got more and more stressed and unhappy, and of course her pain threshold went down. And she felt guilty for keeping me awake, which added to her stress and made her cry even more easily. And my own stress and fatigue increased in parallel with hers.

These are the nights when I miss having a co-parent. I really wanted someone there with me for moral support, to cuddle her while I went through the medicine chest, and with whom to take turns sleeping, if necessary.

At first -- around 11:00pm -- I was a bit cross with her for being awake and continuing to complain about it, not realizing she was in pain, but once I finally understood the problem, I had to take a firm grip on my own fatigue and stress. Part of the Mom Gig is sucking it up in situations like this, speaking gently, giving relaxing strokes, sitting up rocking her, and being consistently low-key and soothing, even when my own head is pounding and I'm exhausted.

It was a major victory when, at 2:30am, the doc's suggestion worked and she was in bed and quiet and little-girl-sleepy-grateful-for-her-wonderful-mommy. I, however, still had a pounding headache and was too keyed up to sleep for another 30+ minutes.

So I called in just before 7am and left messages letting Jeannie and Miss V know I'd be late this morning. I re-set my alarm to go back to sleep, expecting to rouse my daughter in another couple of hours and take her in to school late, but she bounced up cheerful and perky, got dressed for the first day of school, and skipped upstairs for the Ex's SO to give her breakfast and drive her in, as planned.

She's going to crash hard this afternoon, I fear. But I can't be sorry for the peace and quiet now.

And did I mention there's no Diet Coke in the house? I won't be properly awake until I get some, which will also help the lingering headache.

It's going to be a long day, and I'm going to stay late at work to try to make up some of this lost time.

This is a shameless plea for moral support in the way of any kind of cheerful, inquisitive, funny, loving messages that anyone cares to share. I'll need positive energy rolling in for the rest of the day.

Life is Not Good Today

I was at work for just short of three hours when my father called me to relay the results of a biopsy: he has prostate cancer. "An aggressive form," I am told.

His most recent physical exam (within the past couple of months) showed the prostate to be smooth and compact, which is good. The doctor won't know if the cancer is contained or not until he can do a bone scan in a couple of weeks.

My dad is on the board of trustees at the HMO, and we are in a region with a major university hospital and a nationally-recognized cancer center. He couldn't be in a better place to get good treatment. And this is an early detection. So as much as can be 'good' about a cancer diagnosis is good.

But I got the news on 5 hours of sleep, and although I held it together on the phone with Dad, I started crying right after. Many blessings on kateri_thinks who got my call five minutes later and let me go into shock with her. Jeannie had just started a 1:1 with one of my co-workers. I went in, apologized, asked for five minutes alone, told her, and broke down in tears. She was wonderful, expressing sympathy and empathy, and agreed that I needed to go home.

On the way home I was able to talk with _storyteller_, who was a warm, fuzzy rock for me.

Then I talked with my sister savannahselkie, and we braced each other up.

Then I got home and the Ex's SO told me that a deputy prosecutor had come to the house earlier with a young woman who had been raped in our neighborhood last October. She couldn't remember which house it was, but when the SO showed them a photo of my Ex, she said it definitely was not him. But that means there is a rapist living in my neighborhood.

And then then SO told me that the Ex (for reasons that have yet to be explained) had been looking at the child molester registry, and there are several red dots in our area.

My daughter will be home from the first day of 5th grade in about 30 minutes. A household tradition (dating back to my own school days) is going out for dinner on the first day of school and then do school supply shopping. I'm not sure I'm going to be up for the latter, but I am definitely going to take her out.

I'm probably going to wait a few days to tell her about dad's diagnosis. Today she would have been brought face to face with the reality of the murder of her school's librarian a month or so ago, and she just was saddened by the Croc Hunter's death. I don't want to throw this on her as well, especially when she too didn't get much sleep last night and today should be fun and exciting day for her.

However, if you all could continue sending positive energy my way -- and pray for my dad -- I would sure appreciate it.

Good Things

A Few Good Things I For Which I am Thankful Today

1. The Daughter had a great first day of school, has not crashed from lack of sleep last night. She got a base kick in kickball, slid in, and was most proud of herself. I'm proud of her too.

2. kateri_thinks -- one of the bestest girlfriends anyone could ask for.

3. A loving, close-knit family that has always faced everything together and come through together.

4. LB and LM. I am loved.

5. Jeannie -- I couldn't ask for a better boss

6. A local pizza joint that treats my daughter and me like family

7. My loving, supportive LJ community