Monday Morning

Yesterday turned out to be fairly restful: slept in, kept the three primary areas of my house in order, did laundry and got it all put away (the daughter now takes care of putting away all her own clothes, which is nice), watched the miniseries Guinevere with the daughter, did some inner work with physically manifested consequences, and got a good night's sleep.

Today will be a tad stressful at work, because V has one more thing she needs me to do on those forms I stayed late on Thursday to finish -- and they need to be done asap, and someone else had also requested a "first thing Monday" chore, but I think I can handle it. And hopefully there will be news soon about what her future is going to be. "May God bless and keep the Tsar. . ."

I'm also going to be talking to my own boss about how I can contribute at a higher level, more consistently. It's ridiculous that so much of my ability is going to waste when there is so much to be done.

Miss V Does a 180

This morning, Miss V came over to my desk, all smiles and warmth. (Normally, she doesn't even say hello when she walks past -- just as I don't usually speak to her when I go past her desk.)

She asked about the problems I had with my desk phone this morning -- and then told me that she had been doing some thinking over the weekend. . . that she's been under a lot of stress due to her boss's resignation and her own uncertain status. . . that she felt bad about our unpleasant encounter last week. . . and that if she does stay in our department that she wants to "start over" with me and our relationship. . . . That it's been hard, but we work so closely together that we really need to get along, and she wants to help make that happen. She acknowledged that we are both stubborn, which hasn't helped.

She's said "I want things to be better between us" before, but never with this kind of warmth in her tone. Always before it's been in a voice that sounded aggrieved, and which set my teeth on edge.

I was stunned. Flabbergasted. And deeply grateful (and I did thank her, and told her I too wanted to start again, trying my best to match the warmth of her tone). This is the first time she has *ever* acknowledged that she has done anything to contribute to the problems between us. To my surprise, I wanted to hug her. I sincerely wanted to hug her.

And then she hugged me.

And it felt like she meant it.

I'm still in shock.
Delighted, but in shock.

It will still take work on both our parts, but for the first time in ages I feel like there might be hope.

I don't want to detract from or seem to claim responsibility for the huge step she took in whatever process she went through that led her to this point, but I want to mention two synchronous actions I've taken lately.

Yesterday evening, I moved the sword I've kept in the center of my mantle off to one side, giving the center spot -- which is the primary "place of honor" in my house -- over to a candle honoring Spirit, a figure representing my Family, and one which I realized represented my daimon.

The second. . . which I've been meaning to make a very simple post about for more than a week, is the realization that I finally feel ready to love again.