A Little More Detail

I was very tired last night, and frustrated because I'm in one of those times when I'm not doing a lot of thinking or reflecting. All my energy seems to be going into mundane survival. And I hate times like that.

My daughter, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, is the only grandchild on both sides of the family, and therefore the recipient of far too many gifts from doting grandparents, even after I beg them to stop showering her with "stuff." And a lot of it is just "stuff." She used to have a room upstairs that was literally just piled high with stuff. There wasn't even any room to play. It got cleaned out when the SO and her twins moved in and my Ex needed the room. She got rid of a lot of stuff: some that was broken was thrown away, other stuff was given to charity. But she still has a lot, and it all moved in downstairs with me. I've never quite recovered from it. We're still working on going through it, finding good ways to store what she wants to keep and releasing as much as possible.

( Grousing about Mundanity )

The novel is moving, which is good -- but it gets complicated when characters who used to be cut-outs suddenly have lives and minds of their own. They look at the scenes I have written for them, then turn to me with expressions of dismay and say, "What? You want me to do that? I don't think so!" And so scenes I thought finished are thrown up into the air.

( When Characters Talk Back )

Concentrating on the story questions makes me feel better. I just wish I had the time to go away alone with just my notebook and my laptop and write for a day or two.

Sweet Dreams

I dreamed last night that I was sharing martial arts classes with Sean Bean.

Very sorry to wake up from that one!

( *In case the name doesn't ring any bells. . . * )

Interests Meme

Since I'm having trouble coming up with quality content these days, I'll shamelessly follow after my dear friend bookchick, with the Interests meme:

Look at your LJ "interests" list. If you have fewer than 50 interests, pick every fifth one. If you have between fifty and seventy-five interests, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five interests, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em. List them on your LJ, and tell everyone exactly what it is about these things that interests you so much.

I have 140 interests (some of them redundant).

Beauty and the Beast: I'm a fan of the Disney movie, largely because Belle reminds me very much of the girl I was: coming from a small town, being "not like the rest of us," always reading and dreaming of magical adventures. I've also come to see how often I've acted out the "Beauty and the Beast" relationship pattern in my life: loving men who were "beastly" but believing that if I loved them faithfully and passionately enough they would turn into princes. So far my success rate is 0, and I've resolved to change that pattern.

Comparative Religion: Peoples' religious beliefs fascinate me. The similarities and differences between religions fascinate me. I have a Masters Degree in Comparative Religion, and am working on ways to use that education -- and my eclectic personal spiritual path -- as a basis for workshops and retreats for people who want to learn more about the variety of ways in which people respond to the Divine.

Decadence: I love luxury and sensual excess: lush textures, rich chocolate, fine steaks, long massages, sleeping in followed by breakfast in bed, room service, hours and hours of lovemaking, and all the other delicious, excessive non-essentials in life. I wish I could afford more of them.

Guinevere: Guinevere fascinates me as a mythic figure who has been shaped to serve so many different versions of the Matter of Britain. My favorite versions of her are heroic, most especially her portrayal in Parke Godwin's novels where she is flawed but formidable (excerpt here: http://jsh32.tripod.com/heroines/id7.html). See also: http://jsh32.tripod.com/heroines/id6.html

Inanna: The Descent of Inanna is a powerful myth of initiation and transformation, one which helped me heal after I escaped from an abusive relationship. Inanna is a complex figure, combining the realms of war, sovereignty, prosperity, learning (she won the mes, the arts of civilization, from her father after she got him drunk) and sexuality. My Comparative Religion thesis was about sacred prostitution, a practice which is often linked with her name. (I can explain why this isn't necessarily an accurate perception, but this isn't the place for that discussion.)

Lilith: The third-in-a-row mythic female figure prominent for sexuality and violating boundaries. (And me a seminarian. . . even if I am on leave at the moment. . . ) Lilith appears in the ancient poem Inanna and the huluppu Tree, but attempts to make her a figure of Jewish midrash are erroneous. The Alphabet of Ben Sirach, which is the source for the famous story of her refusing to lie under Adam for sex is actually a satirical work. Still, the story has tremendous power, and I count myself among those who consider Lilith a "patron saint of bad girls" and rebels. During my last semester in college I wrote my own midrash on Lilith, exploring what it was that caused the divine harmony of the first man and woman to be disrupted by Adam's insistence on being on top. It's still one of my favorite pieces of fiction.

Myth: In the academic study of religion, "myth" means "sacred story" not "those quaint stories told those poor, primitive, deluded heathens." Myth is one of the most powerful ways we have to communicate, for good or ill. I want to become better at writing and telling myths.

Prayer: Prayer is talking to the Divine. I go back and forth between formal techniques and spontaneous conversation. I need to do more praying, and I need to get better at praying with others.

Royalty: Ever since I was very young, I've had a very mythic understanding of royalty. I've always seen royalty as a position of ultimate privelege and ultimate responsibility. I started writing stories about hieros gamos/sacred marriage consecrations and king sacrifices before I was out of junior high. On the mythic level, royalty, like the priesthood, is a pivot point between the People and the Divine. (And I'm a Protestant mystic who belives that direct connection to the Divine is the birthright of every human being!) I don't care about modern royals; but something about the ancient practices, especially the Middle Eastern and Celtic, resonates very deep within me.

Shakespeare: I was a theatre major, and I've worked on three production of Hamlet, directed The Taming of the Shrew, and believe -- like many -- that Shakespeare is one of our wisest observers and illuminators of the human experience.

Storytelling: I've written stories since I was very young. I tend to talk in stories and tell stories to provide context for any situation, observation or opinion that I hold. I want to become skilled at oral storytelling, be able to spin tales to delight and provoke young and old alike.

The Stars: The stars have always beckoned to me. I've never been a nature girl, but the night sky mesmerizes me. My "magical" daydreams were not of going to fairyland, but of journeying among the stars. I love the episode in the movie Contact in which Ellie talks about the sounds the different stars make. I love the idea of being intimately familiar with the voices of the stars.

villains: A really good heroic story needs a really impressive villain. As a sometime gamemaster of role-playing games, I am challenged to come up with formidable villains. I find it a challenge not because I don't have villainy in my own heart, but because I'm afraid of what I'll betray about my own shadow side if I really use that part of myself for role-playing. I love a really "good" villain. Croup and Vandermere, from Neverwhere are high on my list of favorites.

Writing: I can talk a blue streak when I'm in the right mood and the right company, but writing is my primary way of expressing the deeper parts of myself, whether through journaling (paper journal or here), writing to friends, writing stories (both for public viewing and my own private explorations), or academic writing. My longest-held dream is to publish a novel.

Lady Jane, Cadfael, and My Daughter

The other night I got out Lady Jane and watched it for the first time in years. I tried to get The Daughter to watch it with me, but after her first enchantment with Jane and Guildford's "What do you want?" scene with the broken goblets and their romance, she got bored. But before she left, we paused the movie a couple of times to discuss the issues within the film: the political and economic conflicts, the Catholic and Protestant issues (and their political and economic ramifications for the main characters), and Jane's ultimate decision to die rather than betray her faith.

A few nights later we were watching the Brother Cadfael mystery A Morbid Taste for Bones. Before we started, I had to explain to her what a saint was, so she would understand the fuss about a dead girl's bones and why both the abbey and the Welsh village wanted them. In the course of this, I tried to explain the concept of martyrdom, which I simplified as "someone who dies for what they believe in."

"Oh," she said. "Like Queen Jane."

Written out here, perhaps it seems like an easy and obvious connection, but she's not yet ten years old, and I hadn't thought she was paying that close attention when I was trying to educate her about the issues in Lady Jane. I was both pleased and impressed.

Rejoice in the Return of the Clothes Hanging Rod!

I just finished moving my clothing from the frail rolling wardrobe rack in my kitchen back into my bedroom closet!

There are no doors on said closet -- but all I care about is the rod and the shelf above it.

And there was great rejoicing!