Strangely Detached
Jul. 27th, 2005 05:56 amI'm feeling strangely detached these days, back in a kind of gray space where all I do is drift. I could hypothesize about why, but it's easier to just shrug. I don't feel "bad" -- but I don't feel all that good either. Everything I should do seems to take far too much effort to actually work on. I keep telling myself I'll do it "shortly" but then I don't.
Going on the Quest was great, but it also really knocked my life around. I haven't done any exercising since I got back, nor have I been eating well. I haven't fully unpacked, cleaned and returned my borrowed gear.
Maybe I need to ground. As my last post indicated, I'm feeling strongly like I'm moving into a Pentacles/earth phase. But right now all those aspects of my life seem to be the source of my immobility. They feel too heavy to rise above, to get control over, to impact.
Maybe the "get control" is part of the problem of my thinking. Maybe I need a different approach. One of the lessons in the canyon was my tendency to want to deal with confrontation through either reason or control -- or control by means of reason. And some things (like rattlesnakes) don't respond well to either. A different approach, something more gentle, more transformative, is sometimes called for.
On a slightly different note, I talked yesterday with a friend of mine at work who is also the manager of the woman who got the job I wanted. It turns out that her present position involves a lot of work with our transportation partners, and that she has wanted to get into the transportation area for a long time, even before we had a specific department. So she evidently she not only has a far more directly relevant set of experiences than I had realized (or that I have), she has a long-term desire to work in this particular niche. It makes me feel better about not getting the job myself.
In the meantime, Jeannie and I have defined my Blue Chip goals for the quarter, and they are fairly aggressive, and will get me even more involved in the nitty-gritty of the department and division, while developing my skills in SAP, which is the company's primary program for information storage and reporting. Miss V is on vacation this week, which means that I'm picking up some of her tasks as well. We've been getting along so well the past few months that I'm regretting her absence more than I'm enjoying it.
Speaking of which, because she's gone it's my responsibility to set up for her boss's staff meeting this morning, so I'd better get going.
Going on the Quest was great, but it also really knocked my life around. I haven't done any exercising since I got back, nor have I been eating well. I haven't fully unpacked, cleaned and returned my borrowed gear.
Maybe I need to ground. As my last post indicated, I'm feeling strongly like I'm moving into a Pentacles/earth phase. But right now all those aspects of my life seem to be the source of my immobility. They feel too heavy to rise above, to get control over, to impact.
Maybe the "get control" is part of the problem of my thinking. Maybe I need a different approach. One of the lessons in the canyon was my tendency to want to deal with confrontation through either reason or control -- or control by means of reason. And some things (like rattlesnakes) don't respond well to either. A different approach, something more gentle, more transformative, is sometimes called for.
On a slightly different note, I talked yesterday with a friend of mine at work who is also the manager of the woman who got the job I wanted. It turns out that her present position involves a lot of work with our transportation partners, and that she has wanted to get into the transportation area for a long time, even before we had a specific department. So she evidently she not only has a far more directly relevant set of experiences than I had realized (or that I have), she has a long-term desire to work in this particular niche. It makes me feel better about not getting the job myself.
In the meantime, Jeannie and I have defined my Blue Chip goals for the quarter, and they are fairly aggressive, and will get me even more involved in the nitty-gritty of the department and division, while developing my skills in SAP, which is the company's primary program for information storage and reporting. Miss V is on vacation this week, which means that I'm picking up some of her tasks as well. We've been getting along so well the past few months that I'm regretting her absence more than I'm enjoying it.
Speaking of which, because she's gone it's my responsibility to set up for her boss's staff meeting this morning, so I'd better get going.