The Mystery Solved

This is probably the most significant post I have ever made to LiveJournal.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from my seminary. It was a fairly intense meal, as she shared with me some real pain and grief she had experienced during this past year, and then I tried to explain to her what I meant when I said "shaman."

On my side, the most significant part came at the very end, when I was trying to explain to her what I meant when I said that I could talk with "Otherworldly beings." I needed to convey my belief that I was not talking about an immediate experience with The Divine, and that I wasn't talking about ghosts.

So I told her that I believe that sentient life, beings with awareness, able to engage in relationship, exist in other forms besides what we know in our material, human existence. And that when I was twelve years old, I began to have conversations in my head with a Someone who was not a figment of my imagination, and also not God. This individual never told me what to do. He was there to help me work out challenges, to ask questions that helped me explore the implications and consequences of my thoughts, attitudes, and choices, and to encourage me to make choices for integrity and courage.

And then I told my friend, "He showed me that we all live in boxes." And I traced several boxes on the tabletop with my finger. "And that when these boxes bump up against each other, people get scared, and they get angry, and there are conflicts." As I spoke, my tone intensified, and I ended up with tears in my eyes. "And he tried to teach me to be a person who could get out of my own box, and go to another box and live there for a while - and then another one, and another one. So that when this box and this box bump against each other, there could be a person there, someone who knew what it was like to live inside each box. Someone who was recognized as being 'one of us' in each box, trusted, respected, who could say, 'Here, let me help mediate.' Someone who could translate the languages, who could point out what they had in common and not to fear the differences."

This, of course, was not new information to me, but in those moments, as I tried to communicate it to a friend, who had no background in my Journeys, it took on an intensity that I've never experienced before. YES, it said. This IS what you are meant to do.

But driving home, I started struggling again with the old puzzle: how can this be what I am called to do in my real life? I have done next to nothing to move outside the box of my own place in society, have never felt called into the places and roles which would give me that experience, and in fact have felt great resistance to it. The fact is, I don't know how to move outside my social world. I don't have the experience or the competency to interpret between people of different classes, races, nations, levels of education, or anything else. I've completed competency requirements in four - count them four - different languages, but never gained fluency in any of them and have forgotten them all. I'm not qualified to speak from any box but that of a fairly affluent, white, highly educated, American perspective.

How can my purpose be so gut-wrenchingly real to me on one level, but have absolutely no outer manifestation in my life?

I don't know how much later it was in the day when the Clue-by-Four hit me between the eyes: the Journey between societies was the role of my fantasy self who literally did "move between worlds" in the science fiction saga I wrote about as I tried to imagine myself in the role my guide was calling me to. (And the way the story was framed, I literally was called to accept the challenge of being "A Journeyer" and moving between worlds in order to become an intergalactic mediator.) I was twelve years old when my guide came to me, and that was the only context I had for exploring the concept he was trying to teach me.

But the Journeys I have actually lived are those of moving between the worlds of meaning defined by religion and spirituality. And it is precisely that experience which qualifies me for the vocation I have been deliberately growing toward during this last year or so: that of working with people who, for whatever reason, are uncomfortable with the major religious traditions but who yearn for a deeper intimacy with the Divine, and who seek the companionship of someone who is not limited by one tradition who can help them uncover, define, deepen, and celebrate, their own path of relationship with The Mystery. It's not about being a mediator between groups, but it's one of being qualified to be a companion and guide because I have traveled so widely.

For the first time in my life, it all makes sense. The pieces finally fit together.

Ya Think?!

I did a reading at Tarot.com and the outcome card was The Magician. The interpretation given was:


"What may have felt like a whim or passing fancy has the potential to grow into a creative, expressive and profitable venture.

You are faced with an opportunity to create a whole new area in your life. Something that was lingering in the background has leaped forward and helped you reassess your priorities, hopes and dreams. It feels as if a missing ingredient is emerging that can complete the mix.

As you become aware of your interest and enthusiasm, it also dawns on those around you that you may hold the key to this situation. It's possible you will rethink career opportunities or find a new channel of expression. This could lead to a whole new sense of identity."

I also liked the interpretation of The World in the "waking up" position: "When the World appears in this position, the only thing that separates you from everything you ever wanted is the belief that you are alone. In truth, every molecule of your being, every breath, is in constant communication with the entire universe, the continuity of all being through all time." (Emphasis mine.)

That really is true. The part of myself that is emerging now, that I am finally cherishing, honoring and sharing, is a part of myself that I had always kept secret, because I was convinced that sharing it would cause others to laugh, or simply stare at me blankly. I was certain I was so singular that my experience and my insights would have no meaning for others.

It appears I was wrong.

(no subject)

Each mortal thing does one thing and the same:
Deals out that being indoors each one dwells;
Selves - goes itself; myself it speaks and spells,
Crying What I do is me: for that I came.


from As Kingfishers Catch Fire by Gerard Manley Hopkins

"She Thinks She's a Character in a Book!"

I just found out that one of my all-time favorite movies, American Dreamer, is finally available on DVD!

JoBeth Williams plays Cathy Palmer, a suburban housewife who wins a writing contest and goes to Paris, where a knock on the head leaves her believing she is sexy superspy Rebecca Ryan, the heroine of her favorite stories. Tom Conti is the charming, bewildered man who finds a fictional character turning his life upside down.

If you like romantic comedy-adventures, or ever wanted to become the hero/ine of your daydreams, you should check this one out. (It's also available at Netflix.)