Friday Morning

I'm feeling more rested than I have in quite some time. Even though I had to get up several times during the night I feel quite refreshed this morning. I'm not sure how much of it is getting to bed at a slightly more reasonable hour than I have been, getting to sleep faster (thanks, in part to two nights in a row of Nyquil), and how much is less stress/more satisfaction in my daily life: my newsletter team is already eager to start work on the next issue, Miss V and I were downright sweet to each other yesterday (and I mean "sweet" in a fully positive way), I was able to get a lot done for Jeannie promptly during a stressful day for her, did a near-final draft on my paper, and get to go back to school tomorrow.

All in all, a good time.

Friday Night

I had a good day today, but my cold is getting worse. It's going to be another Nyquil night.

Both my papers are complete. The Boss's Boss raved to me about the newsletter again today. Miss Vicki and I are getting along famously. I performed several heroic admin acts today for Jeannie, so she is especially pleased with me. In fact, during a conversation about my classes today, she asked me what I was going to do when I finished. She was greatly relieved when I told her it was going to be at least 5 or 6 years until I reach that point. I had been wondering how long she was planning to be around, since she came out of retirement to take this job, but she told me she plans to be around for at least 10 years, maybe 15. Which means that unless she suddenly goes round the bend mentally, I seem to have found myself a very comfortable position which I will be able to keep for longer than I have ever spent at any single job. I know that only a couple of days ago I was writing about transferring to communications when my six months here are up, but on days like today, especially when Jeannie is talking about me attending meetings on her behalf, and doing more to take on tasks that she has been doing but I can handle, I have second thoughts.

When I told her that by pursuing the spiritual direction path because it was something I could do part-time unless or until it became as lucrative as my day job, she shook her head and said firmly, "It won't happen." "You're going to keep giving me big raises to keep me?" I asked lightly. Her response was a mixture of "yes" and an assessment that it would take a lot of spiritual directing hours to compete with my pay anyway.

Pay, of course, is not the entire issue. But the mortgage, groceries, clothing, health benefits, and my daughter's eventual college education are realities that won't go away. I'm not particularly excessive in my lifestyle -- but having a real, regular paycheck has been a big positive change for me.

There's no need to make a decision now, of course -- not about moving to communications or deciding how to balance vocation and lifestyle. But it's nice to feel this secure and confident about the strength of my options for the future when the last good job I had ended in December of 2001, and I had been under- and/or un-employed from then until June of this year.

LOTR, the Masculine, the Feminine, and Spirituality

The most recent issue of Presence, the journal of Spiritual Directors International, has an article called "Masculine Spirituality: A Journey through The Lord of the Rings." LOTR has become very precious to me, and seeing its spirituality expressed solely in masculine terms sent a jolt of resentment through me. I haven't had the time yet to read the article, but ever since I saw the title I have been reflecting quite a bit about the topic of Men's and Women's spirituality -- what the differences are, how important/significant those differences are, and to what degree some of us may have started to limit ourselves by focusing on gendered spirituality.

Don't get me wrong: I think that the discovery and exploration of gender and spirituality is a fascinating and important development.

But I've been wondering recently what parts of Men's Spirituality would speak to me if I started exploring it. I have, after all, been called "masculine" in my thinking and attitudes on several occasions, by a diverse group of people. Some of Women's Spirituality is profoundly moving to me. Some of it, especially that around the body and physical rites of passage, leaves me cold.

Of course we all embody both the masculine and the feminine, and one aspect of the quest for wholeness, whether expressed in spiritual or purely psychological terms, is the integration of our masculine and feminine natures.

I'm too tired to think much more about this at the moment, but I am dearly hoping that the marvelous group of intelligent, spiritual, unconventional people who have chosen to Friend me are willing to dive in and comment on this topic. I really am curious to find out what you think about this.