Dream of my Father's Death

According to my computer clock, it's 4:01am. I've been awake for 45 minutes now, and am unlikely to get back to sleep before my 5:15am alarm. 45 minutes ago, I woke from a vivid dream of my father dying, and it's highly unlikely that I'm going to be able to go back to sleep in the next hour.


( The Dream )

( Since I can't sleep, there's all kinds of symbolism to ponder. )

D&D Character Lemming Quiz

On a lighter note than the last few entries. . .

Thanks to gothic_coop

( I'm a Lawful Good Elf Bard Mage )

A Study in Contrasts

My responsibilities at work this week have included planning and executing two major lunch meetings: one an All-Hands department meeting, the other a departmental chat with a visiting VP. Neither were especially complicated (stage managing an un-cut production of Hamlet with 20 cast members and a dozen crew members, while playing a role myself, that's complicated). But both meetings were high-profile events which were proving grounds for me with the man who is going to decide whether or not to hire me.

The bane of my existence has been the projector which plugs into a laptop in order to show powerpoint presentations. I'll spare us all the details. But the fact that the two times I used it this week were the very first times I've actually operated the equipment, or run powerpoint (rather simply editing it) is signficant.

As I left the meeting room today, grinding my teeth about the hyper-sensitive touchpad on the laptop which had caused the slides to jump erratically a couple of times, it occured to me that a few years ago I might have done a bit more preparation for the meetings, been far more concerned about the fact that the projector was a bit jiggly and the image off-kilter during today's set up. Instead, the manager I support came in (before the meeting) and immediately started fiddling with the machine to get it straight. I should have been working on it myself.

The fact was: while I had noticed it, it didn't seem like a big deal.
Even with a VP on his way.
Which is not the way I used to be where my jobs were concerned.

What is a Big Deal to me these days is Swedenborg's Doctrine of the Redemption, and whether or not a) I want to submit a paper on that topic to Father R for my christology class, since I find it hard to take this particular bit of Swedenborg seriously, and b) what this means for my ministerial discernment process if I am embarrassed by a major doctrine like this one.

I don't think that contrasting theologies of atonement are any concern at all for most people on most days. They certainly have nothing to do with the day-to-day business of the nice company where I've been temping for more than four months now. But they're a big deal to me. And the niceties of powerpoint (an overrated toy in virtually every setting) is so far down on my list of priorities it hardly is on the map. But that's not good when I'm being paid to be an effective admin. And when my income for the next several years could be significantly dependent on my ability to put on a smooth powerpoint presentation.

But the contrast between where my energies need to go for my job and where they need to go for my vocation is extreme to the point of absurdity.