Where I've Been
Dec. 31st, 2007 10:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
qosThe last couple of weeks of my spiritual practice can best be summed up by this passage from John Michael Greer's The New Encyclopedia of the Occult from the entry on "The Watcher on the Threshold."
Boredom, irritation, distractions and a hundred other obstacles to continued magical study and practice loom before the would-be mage. If these are resisted or explored by way of introspection, they give way to stark, paralyzing fear, often of overwhelming intensity. The only way to overwhelm the Watcher is to keep on studying and practicing magic despite it all. After a relatively short period, the fear and obstacles give way, and the first real potential for magical power begins to surface."
It has been very, very tough -- and I have yet to actually emerge from this stage.
My deities, allies, even LM, have seemed very far away.
I've experienced fear -- to the point of panic -- depression, frustration, and blockage.
The only thing I've had to comfort me -- prior to my conversation with my teacher this evening and then finding this definition -- was my own almost unprecedented stubborness in the face of difficulties. In the past, I would have given up, or let myself be stampeded by fear. Not this time. There is no way but forward.
I am proud of myself.
Boredom, irritation, distractions and a hundred other obstacles to continued magical study and practice loom before the would-be mage. If these are resisted or explored by way of introspection, they give way to stark, paralyzing fear, often of overwhelming intensity. The only way to overwhelm the Watcher is to keep on studying and practicing magic despite it all. After a relatively short period, the fear and obstacles give way, and the first real potential for magical power begins to surface."
It has been very, very tough -- and I have yet to actually emerge from this stage.
My deities, allies, even LM, have seemed very far away.
I've experienced fear -- to the point of panic -- depression, frustration, and blockage.
The only thing I've had to comfort me -- prior to my conversation with my teacher this evening and then finding this definition -- was my own almost unprecedented stubborness in the face of difficulties. In the past, I would have given up, or let myself be stampeded by fear. Not this time. There is no way but forward.
I am proud of myself.
