Spiritual Director - By Popular Demand

[qos]

Essentially, a spiritual director is a person who acts as a mentor and companion to someone who wants to deepen and grow his or her spiritual life. The role of a spiritual director is different from that of a pastor or a therapist, but has aspects in common with each. For those of you new to my journal, it is what I am studying to become.



I believe that the role was first developed in religious orders (both Eastern and Western), when each novice was assigned a more experienced brother or sister to provide guidance and encouragement as they learned the spiritual disciplines and the lifestyle of the order. A spiritual director provided encouragement and helped to identify and overcome the pitfalls of both discouragement and vanity. Each monk or nun had a director throughout their life, not just in the early days.

These days, laypeople too seek out spiritual direction. A spiritual director helps a person to perceive and to live more consciously in the presence of the Divine, to develop a spiritual practice that fits their beliefs, personality and lifestyle, and deepen their spiritual life.

Some people dislike the term Spiritual Director because it implies a hierarchical, authoritarian relationship. From my reading, the original, monastic relationship was exactly that. I'm sure there are still spiritual directors who operate in that model. But the trend is toward a relationship that can be characterized as a Spiritual Companion, or Soul Friend. This is a person who shares and acts as a guide or way-shower on the spiritual journey.

I have a spiritual director for a couple of reasons. Since I am by nature an introvert and my own spiritual path crosses so many boundaries of tradition, community life can be problematic for me. Having a spiritual director gives me someone I come to regularly for companionship, encouragement, and teaching. What prompted me to actually go out and find one (after wanting one for years but never actually doing it) is that my seminary requires all students to have one. Tom has a background in Celtic Christianity, and when we had our initial consultation we found out we speak a similar symbolic language, which helps a lot.

My visits with Tom (90 minutes, once a month, although I wish it was every two weeks) help provide me with perspective, give me someone who listens and asks good questions about my spiritual life and challenges, who encourages me, and who suggests questions and things to do which can help me deepen my spiritual life when it would be all too easy for it to get lost in the day to day bustle and fatigue of home, work, and school. We pray together, and he prays for me, which is something that feels more wonderful than I can say.

I believe the Divine is constantly in-flowing into all of us, but that the path of that stream can be blocked with the debris of inattention, ego, and etc. One of the basic tasks of the spiritual life is to keep that channel open and "come to the water" on a regular, consistent basis. Tom helps me keep my streambed clear and helps me deepen it. Which is also as good a definition of a spiritual companion as any.

I found Tom because my school gives us all a 12-page list of directors, complete with background, denominational affiliation, and specialties. (I contacted several who seemed good matches, spoke with two, and selected Tom.) Other places to find them are the yellow pages, spiritual centers or bookstores, retreat centers, churches and denominational offices, spiritual/religious magazines.

Comments

[gothic-coop.livejournal.com]

When two or more are gathered in his named it is called fellowship.

[qos.livejournal.com]

That is true.
And certainly friends and fellows can serve each other this way too.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

A spiritual director cannot be an ordinary friend. The relationship is professional. There has to be a measure of distance. The SD has sometimes to deliver the kind of painful and challenging truths that would destroy an ordinary friendship.

Am I right?

I was never very lucky in SDs, but then I never got to choose my own. The first I had was a young College chaplain who imported his own considerable problems into the relationship and wavered disconcertingly between mateiness and authoritarianism. A nice guy, but he shouldn't have been doing that particular job.

I like the phrase soul friend. I can remember reading a book with that title a long long time ago.

[qos.livejournal.com]

A spiritual director cannot be an ordinary friend. The relationship is professional. There has to be a measure of distance.

That is true. Thank you for bringing that up. If we are lucky, we have friends who can help us in some of these areas, but it's not the same relationship.

The first I had was a young College chaplain who imported his own considerable problems into the relationship

When I was pregnant, and struggling with how to reconcile my self-image (explicitly non-maternal) with the fact of my becoming a mother, I went to see a counselor. Unfortunately, she had a lot of the same issues I did, and ended up spending as much time talking about herself as listening to me. Fortunately, I was able to go somewhere else for help.

There is a book by John O'Donohue called Anam Cara, which evidently means "Soul Friend." It's been a long time since I looked at the book, but I think that it may well be the source of the term coming into use in the spiritual direction field. I'm not sure about the context in which he uses it.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I have a faint memory- from theological college I guess- of being told that the term "soul friend" came from the Greek Orthodox tradition.

I just googled the book. Soul Friend by Kenneth Leech. I was surprised to learn that it is still in print.

[queenofhalves]

i'm going to add this to my list of jobs i'd be happy doing, though i don't know who'd hire me to do it. :> i guess there are a few pagan seminaries now, in addition to the UU ones. who knows?

[qos.livejournal.com]

Coming as you do from a blended spiritual background, you bring a variety of gifts that could be offered across traditional boundaries. And there plenty of people who can't or don't want to label themselves as belong to a particular faith and who want spiritual guidance without going to or affiliating themselves with a church.

A UU seminary might work for you, or a place like SU, which is interdenominational (and even multi-faith). There are also certificate programs that are affiliated with non-traditional schools.

Plenty of options!