Two Important Realizations from Last Night's Meeting

Last night I went to a meeting of the 40-something peer group of the large intentional community I've recently discovered. It was a small meeting: just three regular members, one of the community elders, and myself, but that was for the best as far as this introvert was concerned.

As with the women's circle, I felt like I had found a piece of my tribe -- and this one was perhaps even more compatible. There wasn't a spiritual overlay to the meeting; we were all the same age; there were both women and men. As I listened to the men talk (which was in proportion to the amount that the women talked), I realized how much I've been missing male energy simply on a friend/comrade level.

( Values are more important than beliefs )

As I drove home, I had another important realization about myself. This is the first new group I've been part of in the past several years. I've done a lot of growing and changing during that time, and it was interesting to reflect on the evening and my observations of myself.

Both last night and Sunday (but especially last night) I felt calm, confident, grounded. I could see the interest and response in the way people listened to my words, and I was able to remain focused on others as they spoke. I felt like I spoke and kept silent appropriately. I felt like I was poised and relaxed at once. In short, I felt like a grown-up who was comfortable in my own skin, who was able to engage from a place of relaxed strength, wanting to be courteous to others and respectful of established norms, but not in the least bit worried about "being liked" or making a misstep.

And that was an amazingly good feeling.

Open for Questions

Comes around every so often, most recently seen with eryn999

The problem with LJ: We all think we are so close, but really we know nothing about one another. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Anonymous queries okay.

Ambushed by Nostalgia

I was walking to the cafeteria at TempCo today, looking at the rows of nameplates belonging to people I still don't know after almost well over six weeks on the job, and I was suddenly struck by a startlingly intense wave of nostalgia for FormerMyCo.

As most of you may remember, I left in April without a single look back, didn't even stop to shake the dust from my sandals. But one thing I have to say about the folks there: I always felt valued, welcomed, and liked. (With the exception of Miss V, of course.)

I still don't know anyone at TempCo besides the four or five folks I work with directly, and two of them are temps as well. I'm not a part of anything there. I was often frustrated by my job at FormerMyCo, but the people were always great.

Today, I really miss them. I miss the conversations, the laughter, the regard in which I was held.

And really, that's kind of nice. It's nice to have the good memories.

Manly Discretion

I wanted to add an amusing (to me) story from my experience at last week's women's circle.

LM had been absent during my morning ritual practice, but I felt his presence as I got closer to the meeting place. I was happy to have him with me, of course, but asked Are you sure you're supposed to be here? I mean, this is a women's circle. He gave me what amounted to a non-committal shrug, neither denying my observation nor explaining himself.

As I mentioned in my entry, I experienced some resistance during the meeting, and it started with the embodiment/grounding sequence which was the first activity. I usually feel resistence to such things anyway, and the language used by the leader made it even worse for me. (I can only take so many repetitions of "lovely woman's bodies" and "sweet, soft curves" language.) I did my best to engage, however, and was helped by the sensation of LM's hands on my shoulders and his strong, earthy energy aiding in my grounding.

Then it was time to sing. A drum was brought out. As another woman began a steady rhythm and started to sing an invocation I felt a frisson of energy run through LM. Up to this point, the meeting had been safely social and open. The drum and the song shifted it -- for him, anyway -- into a different kind of space, a Women's Mysteries space. That's it, he rumbled. I'm outta here. It was in no way dismissive of the song; quite the contrary. He recognized a shifting of energy into sacred women's space -- and he knew that to remain longer would be a violation.

It was actually rather charming. . .