Bleh

Wolfling was sick all last week.
I've been sick for the past three days.
I'm getting better, but am still congested.
Wolfling is now with her dad for several days, and I'm glad.
I really, really need some quiet space to myself.

My house is a mess.
Recyling is piling up.
I have food going bad in my refrigerator because I haven't felt well enough to cook.
I'm not sure which clothes on the floor of my bedroom have been worn and which ended up there after the last load of laundry.

I need to apply for at least two jobs today in order to remain in compliance with the terms for receiving unemployment.

I have not done anything this week to further develop my own business.

I'm supposed to go to Portland on Sunday to visit athenian_abroad, Nick, and Nick's fiancee (who I have not yet met), and then drive further south on Monday for a several day visit with oakmouse. At this point I'm optimistic about going, but not 100% sure.

Emotional and spiritual reserves are low, so my usual grounding and support from that area is not what it could be.

Today I wish I had a time-stop device. I need an extra 24-48 hours between today and tomorrow to further recover and pull the logistics of my life back together.

Name That Tune?

I was out with Wolfling yesterday and heard a song on the radio that I liked, but I haven't been able to trace down the exact name.

The refrain included the phrase "You're everywhere to me" and was performed by a female vocalist.

Does anyone know the actual name and artist?

Love

A friend sent me this yesterday:

Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Love is the roots that grow towards each other underground, slowly and determined. And when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, you find you are no longer two, but one. One root, One tree, One Love.

- By Louis de Bernieres, from Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Insight About Effort

It's always good for me to talk with oakmouse when I'm feeling frustrated and upset with myself. She does an excellent job of discerning when I'm focused on something I really do need to work to change and when I'm being too hard on myself.

I told her today that I was feeling frustrated because the last couple of months have been so hard, and that every time I feel like I'm getting some traction on my various endeavors (building my business, improving my fitness, getting established in a new level of spiritual practice), something comes along and knocks me off balance and tangles me up.

Usually I am pretty good at having a positive attitude about things and taking responsibility for what I can control in regards to my emotions, my mood, my efforts, and etc. -- but when I can't change my circumstances through a combination of optimism and responsibility I feel worse because then it feels like not only am I not advancing on my goals, I have failed at transforming my circumstances internally.

That's what I've been doing the last couple of days: making a rough patch even more difficult by berating myself for not being capable of rising above it, despite both Wolfling and myself being ill and a couple of other challenges.

I shouldn't give up, but there are times to cut myself some slack, and this seems to be one of them.