Who I Am

Yesterday morning I was reflecting on archetypes – specifically on the archetypes I use to define myself – and realized that I had passed over into a new sense of self-understanding without being aware of the moment of transition.

Ever since adolescence, my primary identity archetype has been “Journeyer.” I have defined myself as someone who traveled from one place to another in search of knowledge, understanding of the “Other,” and the ability to translate between peoples who have different frames of reference. I have seldom been able to remain with any one community for more than a few years, being far too aware of all the richness that lies outside the borders.

Yesterday morning I realized that Journeyer no longer communicates my fundamental sense of identity.

First and foremost, I am a Priestess.

I am a woman who has sworn an oath to serve a particular deity, and that oath and that service have an impact on everything else in my life.

During my initiation I was asked to choose between two knives that had been placed on the altar. One was the blade that represented committing to Ereshkigal and the Underworld Path, one represented what She called “the wandering path.” I chose the blade of commitment.

I suppose that on some level the transition from Journeyer to Priestess occurred at that moment. But it’s taken more than six months for the reality and the transformation to work its way into my life, into my consciousness, into my self awareness.

I am other things too, of course. But somewhere along the way, the Priestess element has become primary. I am a Priestess who is a mother. I am a Priestess who is a wife. I am a Priestess who is a writer, a spiritual director, and other, less formal things.

I am not a perfect Priestess. But that’s where I start. It’s who I am.



(I'm not sure yet if I'm going to change the name of this journal. Even if I'm no longer primarily a journeyer, I still cherish the archetype and the experience of the journey.)

A Fond Memory: Put to Bed By His Wolf

While I feel spiritual resonance with certain animals (bear, panther, hawk, owl) I can't say that I'm intimately acquainted with any of them in the spirit realm. This is in distinct contrast to uncrowned_king who had -- and has -- two sets of very specific allies. One of these is a pair of wolves.

Early in our relationship, while we were still living hundreds of miles away from each other, we had allowed a phone conversation to go later than it should have, given my get-up-for-work time. I wanted to stay on the phone, but Lohain very firmly said that no matter how much we both wanted to keep talking, I needed to go to bed. In fact, he was about to end the call, and he was instructing me to go to bed immediately afterward. (He didn't technically have the authority to do that, but that didn't always stop him from giving orders.)

We said goodbye, but instead of getting up to go to bed immediately, I continued to recline on the comfy couch, savoring the memory of the conversation (which had been extremly hot and sensuous). I really didn't want to get up and go to bed.

Suddenly I had the distinct perception of a large wolf standing next to the couch looking at me expectantly. I blinked. He was still there. Then I 'heard' him say: The Boss said you were supposed to go to bed.

I stared.
I am not being told to go to bed by my lover's spirit wolf.
Am I?

The wolf remained stubbornly within my perceptions. Next thing I knew, he had taken my hand in his mouth and was tugging it. The Boss said you were supposed to go to bed, he repeated, more firmly.

I was both amused and a trifle miffed that the wolf's tone clearly indicated that in his mind I was equally subject to the authority of "The Boss" and there was no question in his mind that I would obey "our" alpha, just as he was.

It was with a distinct sense of unreality that I got off the couch and went into the bedroom, the wolf keeping my hand in his mouth until he was certain I was going to do as I'd been told. He stuck around until I was actually in bed, then disappeared.

The thought I was just put to bed by Lohain's wolf kept me awake for quite a while after that.


It was only this evening that I made the connection between the wolf's use of the term "The Boss" and the way Cronopio's Riley refers to her. I don't know if her posts influenced the way I heard the wolf, or if "alpha" just naturally translates into English as "boss" in some circumstances.