Slogging

I've been tired all week, even though I've been getting reasonably good sleep at night. I get up in the morning and feel too dull and inert to do my spiritual practice -- which of course doesn't help the rest of my day. I still have to take the Wolfling shopping for the gifts she's going to give, and I haven't even started writing my Christmas cards. I come home and vegetate, and then feel guilty for not connecting with Wolfling more.

Somewhere along the way I lost touch with the spirit of the Winter holiday, the Light-in-Darkness.

I want a couple of days of peaceful aloneness, time to work on my Pantheacon class, to do a couple of tarot readings, to venture out in the evenings with the wolfling and friend to see a movie someplace not overcrowded with shoppers. I want someone to help me cook light, delicious meals and go for walks with me. I want a full body massage.

I want to feel happy and relaxed and peaceful and healthy.

Instead, I have to get up and go to the day job.

At least I have my spiritual direction appointment this afternoon, which always helps me get back on track.

Considering a Fast

I'm thinking seriously about doing a fast. I have been self-indulgent to the point of. . . embarrassment. . . acute discomfort. . . mortification. I am off my center and dragging further and further down. Time to break the cycle, to prayerfully re-focus on what I want my true priorities to be.