Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day to uncrowned_king and _storyteller_!

I had stopped believing I could truly love or be loved anymore, stopped believing I would ever experience true partnership, or a bond that would be strong and meaningful without smothering me. I believed that my erotic spirit would live only in the vivid but solitary dreams of my fantasies and writing, and that I would never truly know the blending of the sacred and the sexual.

You didn't just make me believe, you gave me all those things.
I live them every day, with you.

Every day I know myself blessed by your love and your presence in my life. Every day you make me feel that I am the most cherished, the most beautiful, the most sensual, the most special woman in the world. You share your strength, your creativity, your spirituality, your faith, your generosity, and your tenderness.

You've helped me become a better Queen, a better Mother, a better Chatelaine.

You've made my life fun again.

Each of you in your own way is a dream come true, my Emperor and my Magician, my Daimon and my Angel.

I love you.

Dear Anonymous. . . .

Thank you for the Super-Yummy virtual box of chocolates! (All the sentiment with none of the calories!)

Won't you 'fess up so I can fully appreciate you?

5 Questions

These are from mam_adar

1. What is the most important story you would like to tell or to give your daughter?

One day I’m going to tell her, in detail, about my experience with my emotionally abusive ex-fiance. I made a lot of mistakes in judgement in that relationship – in the name of love – and it could have ruined my life forever. I also want to tell her how I healed from that ordeal, through a combination of the passage of time, the love of my family and friends, and my taking ownership of my part in what happened. I can’t prevent her from having her heart broken, but hopefully I can significantly reduce the likelihood of her falling victim to an abuser.

2. Is there a fairy tale or traditional story that you would rather your daughter were not exposed to?

No. I would much rather have her exposed to the distasteful ones and discuss them with her. The best example of that would be the original version of The Little Mermaid, in which the mermaid mutilates herself out of love for the image of a man, then martyrs herself in the name of his happiness.

3. As a parent, who has been your role model?

That’s been one of the hardest things about motherhood for me: the lack of a real
role model. My mother is a terrific mother, but I could never be a mother in her
style (traditional homemaker). My father was very busy with his career and community service, but I always felt loved by and important to him. I try to remember how much my father’s attention meant to me, how he always felt available to me even when he was busy, so I guess
that’s something of a role model.

Most of the time, I feel like I’m making it up as I go along.

4. Describe a novel you would like to read that no one has written yet.

My closed writing project Occupation was such a novel, taking a “set piece” of a romance (young woman is left alone in charge of family castle and lands during war, is invaded, and has to come to terms with the enemy leader) and using it to explore other variations on male-female relationships than passionate-erotic love, along with a whole host of my other favorite themes of power, spirituality, honor, warrior virtue, initiation, and etc.

I would also like to read in-depth, psychologically complex novels about Princess
Leia and Delenn, giving them their full dignity as leaders trying to help their people to peace and freedom in perilous times.

5. Imagine you are writing your memoirs, decades from now. What are you going to call them?

I don’t think there’s a single title that works for the entire scope of my life.
I would have to title it in chapters, or epochs.

I consider my actual life to have begun at age 12. The years from 12 to 22, when I graduated from college, are titled “A Girl Built on Dreams.”

The next phase is “To Journey on the Earth” – which would refer to the transition of living in the dreams of my Journeys myth/fantasies to making a living in real life. This would extend through my 30th birthday.

The period of my pregnancy through a year or so ago would be “Athena Giving Birth.”

This period is still too new to be named, but the working title is “Gypsy Queen.”

5 More Questions

Asked by a_belletrist

1. What single piece of music has touched you the deepest, and why?

For sheer intensity and the length of time it has been in my life, I would have to say “The Hallelujah Chorus.”

Which probably seems like a strange choice for a self-described heretic – but it has always touched me deeply.

( A lengthy response behind the cut. )

I remain convinced that they sing Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus in heaven.


2. What is your fantasy vacation or retreat?
For my fantasy vacation: I am enthralled by images of the tropics, particularly those that involve the water and sailing ships. I hate flying, but if I had the chance to fly south, I would.

My fantasy retreat, on the other hand, is a cabin in the woods where I can write and walk and have a fire and be alone in the green and the silence.

3. If there was one single thing you could change about yourself, large or small, insto-presto, what would it be?

No question: to have a strong, flexible body of the ideal weight for my height and frame. I want to be in great physical shape. It’s something I’ve struggled with all my life, and what I would most like a quick and easy fix for.

4. What single thing/person/aspect would you like to invite into your life right now?

I continue to struggle with my lack of entrepreneurial spirit, so that’s what I want. I want to be excited by the prospect of putting my skills on the market, of connecting with people and offering my services, of feeling good about knowing that I can provide a valuable, desireable service that people would be willing to pay for.

5. What is your favorite childhood memory?
This is hard! I was blessed with an idyllic childhood, and lots of great memories of things like camping with family, visits with cool relatives, fun with friends, and etc. There’s also the question of how to define “childhood.” I tend to cut it off at 12, which is the point at which I consider my life as a true individual to begin.

Hmmmm. . . . This is slightly perverse, but my favorite story to tell about my childhood is being court martialed by my Girl Scout troop, which I shared on LJ a year ago in this entry.