Hijacking Kateri's Post

After re-reading the post kateri_thinks made yesterday about our trip (only the first pass, she told me in Comments), I've decided to hijack it, cut some of them, and insert my own embroidery and commentary where appropriate.


2. Baby alligators are cute. When their mouths are banded shut and their keepers are standing by. ( Exhibit A Behind the Cut )

4. [first part cut]~~~ There's a lot of water on this planet. You just have to find the right sort. ~~~
This was a huge observation for me.
The water I'm used to is cold, and persistent, and usually pushing in where I don't want it. Rainwater, flood water, etc. In contrast, the Gulf is warm, salty, bouyant, welcoming and nurturing. And on Friday afternoon it was choppy enough to be actively fun, not just langorous.

5. It is very possible for a vegetarian to enjoy her steakhouse meal more than the five self-proclaimed "Carnivores!" at her table.
This was both funny and painful.

They told us we had the option of a "steakhouse" -- but the place they sent us was more of a nouveau cuisine bistro. We sat with four women from our center in LaGrange, Georgia, who at one point in the evening said that they like Applebees when they go out. The staff poured glasses of red and white wine, when none of us really liked wine. I asked if we could get soda. The salads were strange, with lots of beets in them. I declined mine at the beginning. The others -- except Kateri and one other woman -- just let them sit there. The rolls either had raisins or garlic in them. There was no plain butter, but a choice of honey butter, white bean curd, and chopped olives. The steaks were very rare. The chicken had (evidently) an unusual sauce. Only Kateri, for whom they made a special risotto with mushrooms and veggies, actually liked her food.

The four women from Georgia were very quiet. Most of them did not initiate a single conversation all evening. We had a table of mutinous introverts.


6. People are always amused with grown women wearing tiaras in public.
True -- but the staff at the resort was far too professional to show it in more than a fleeting glance.

But I certainly felt regal sitting in an ornate chair, in a marble room, with a faux Faberge egg beside me, and palm fronds over my head, wearing my tiara!

7. Lying in bed in pjs with a girlfriend talking and giggling and sighing about boys is super fun even when you're way past high school.
Hee! Yes! Especially since I had a lot to giggle and sigh about, being newly gleeful about a boy. But we also told stories of boys from our pasts. Those conversations can also take place over lunch, of course, but they are far more fun at slumber parties!

8. I have travelled some, and I'm telling you, it's much easier when you share your diet coke addiction with a travel partner.
Indeed!
The first morning, we walked several blocks to the 7-11 and bought a 12-pack to bring back and put in our fridge. The default breakfast offerings were coffee, milk, juice. We asked for Diet Coke (light ice and no ice). And the smiling staff obliged us cheerfully.

9. There really is some good in corporate America, and I saw it this weekend.
I was very glad to hear Kateri affirm what I've long felt about the leadership in my group: they don't just mouth the words, they mean them. They walk the talk. And there is so much enthusiasm and community in our centers, and everyone there was just very nice.

10. This relates to #4, but I think it belongs mostly on its own: It is great joy to be present with your friend, the introverted, ever conscientious, serious, studious Queen Of Swords, at play: real, live, silly, pinkly, glowingly blissed out.
There are few things so humbling and beautiful.

*blush*
I would not have been able to experience what I did without Kateri there as a companion and spiritual director. She clarified, mirror backed, encourged, and celebrated what I was doing, and it made such a difference.

Thursdays!

Last Thursday, I took kateri_thinks to Florida with me.

This coming Thursday, she is taking me to Les Miserables, which I've never seen before!

What are we going to do next Thursday??

Ritual, Ceremony and Elders

I started reading King, Magician, Warrior, Lover today, in part because Bruce Tallman based a significant part of Archetypes in Spiritual Direction on it, and in part because it was a gift from _storyteller_. I got through the first few chapters during lunch (they're short) and am already fascinated by one of the basic premises in the book.

Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette are writing specifically about men when they make these observations, but I think they can easily apply to women as well.

They assert that one reason why there are relatively few maturely masculine men is that the rituals don't exist in Western culture to transform a Boy into a Man. There is no ritual which symbolically kills the Boy and gives birth to the Man, in the company of other men. Many of the "rituals" that exist are actually pseudo-rituals, which reinforce Boy psychology.

The dearth of meaningful rituals of initiation is probably not news to most people reading this, as it was not news to me. But what I did find interesting was the contrast the authors made between ritual, which is a holy and transformative experience of power, and "empty ceremony." They argue that most of our "rituals" are actually empty ceremony.

Which certainly gave me a different perspective on my own problematic relationship with "ritual." How much of what I expect to be ritual is actually mere ceremony? (The theatrically inclined can turn to Henry V, Act IV scene i at this juncture.) If I had had more experience of authentic ritual in my life, might I feel less resistant to it?

The second observation hit even more close to home: that in order for an initiatory ritual like this to take place, there have to be authentic Elders to preside, and to welcome the newly-made Man (or Woman, or Adult) into the company of other Men/Women/Adults.

As I look back over my life, I can't remember being formally-ritually welcomed into the company of Women, or even of Adults. There were pseudo-rituals, of course: a couple of graduations and a marriage being the most obvious. But I did not experience the kind of transformation of identity that Moore & Gillette argue is so important to leaving behind archetypal Childhood. (Which is not to say that the Inner Child is left totally behind. There's a place for her/him. But it is not the inappropriately dominant aspect of the person.)

The closest I've come to a ritual of initiation that might have led to a change in identity/status was my oral defense of my Masters thesis. I had expected to be grilled by the committee, but instead I found myself taking part in a collegial discussion. My professors had questions about my topic, but they were posed as one scholar to another, with me being the expert in the field. When I was invited back into the room after their deliberation, my advisor reached out to shake my hand as he drew me across the threshold and congratulated me. (I've never been entirely sure if he was deliberately using such a powerfully symbolic gesture, but this was the Religion department, so it's a good bet he was fully aware of the significance.)

Unfortunately, that experience was not reinforced with ongoing fellowship or support. I graduated and was on my own again, not socialized into a new status within the tribe.

More later, as it's getting late.