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Processing/Becoming
Apr. 22nd, 2005 06:19 amI'm doing a lot of processing right now, and not much of it is bubbling to the surface in workable LJ material. But I can feel several layers of my mind and soul crunching away at ideas, paradigms, identity, and other types of perceptions. Very deep places inside me are slowly turning over to reveal new facets of self and let old pieces slide gently away or into new formations.
And I'm praying daily -- several times daily, in fact -- to be able to integrate and nurture these changes. I don't want to slip back into what I was. I don't want to lose what is happening through inertia. I know all too well what it's like to have a realization and then lose it, only to have to re-learn the same stuff months or years later.
This feels different than previous experiences. This is much deeper, like a slow avalanche that has been building for a long time and is now inexorable. But I could still stop it, still betray it, if I don't continue to participate in it.
These are my key words right now: integrate, nurture.
Hopefully they lead to: transform, maintain.
And I'm praying daily -- several times daily, in fact -- to be able to integrate and nurture these changes. I don't want to slip back into what I was. I don't want to lose what is happening through inertia. I know all too well what it's like to have a realization and then lose it, only to have to re-learn the same stuff months or years later.
This feels different than previous experiences. This is much deeper, like a slow avalanche that has been building for a long time and is now inexorable. But I could still stop it, still betray it, if I don't continue to participate in it.
These are my key words right now: integrate, nurture.
Hopefully they lead to: transform, maintain.
